PS 1st Draft - Save me! Forum

[Anonymous User]

Below if the first draft of my PS, any comments would be greatly appreciated... I had no idea how long this was until I submitted this. How much should I cut down? Thank you for your help.

It took multiple staircases, several inquires, and a few wrong turns, but I arrived. It was the second week of my undergraduate career as part of the honors college, a multicultural advancement scholar, a resident of the health professions college, and a soon to be double major. The door was slightly opened and there I saw him; his glasses, his silvering hair, and his look of confusion as I explained my presence. It was simple; all I needed was this man's signature. His signature would not only make my decision official, but binding for the next four years. Together we would sign our names and declare my double major in psychology and neuroscience. It would appear to be my first official step as an undergraduate; however, that could not have been further from the truth. Before I had even received my dorm assignment I had already meticulously planned my next four years between my demanding class schedule, obligations to my organizations, and the fun I assumed would come. Signing my double major was just another box to be checked for my much larger goals.

The brain was my fascination. It was so intriguing with its intricate network of neurons communicating with each other through the grey and white matter. Each action potential was somehow differentiating itself through its dendrites, down its axon highway, picking up speed through the myelin sheath to reach the synapse and release a neurotransmitter to produce a physical movement, an emotion, an idea. However, I would learn through several research experiences that it was not how the brain worked that interested me, but how its products were applied to the real world.

My first research opportunity arose during my sophomore year. I was enrolled in an organic chemistry lab. The lab was filled with hooded experiment stations, drawers, and drawers of your own glassware, and all the access you could ever want to chemicals labeled with caution signs. It was during this class that I would be asked to join my professor’s biochemistry research team. I was introduced to infrared testing (IR), dynamic mechanical analysis (DMA), gel permeation chromatography (GPC), and ultraviolet visible spectroscopy (UV/Vis). Together with my professor and our team of a few undergraduate and graduate students, we would work to gain ground on developing weak dermis and strong dermis hydrogels for skin scaffolding. In the summer of 2013, I would be chosen as a summer scholar grant recipient. The grant provided a stipend to allow me to spend the summer continuing my research on weak dermis hydrogels and an allotment to purchase chemical supplies for my team. Our purpose was to perfect the hydrogel recipe needed to replenish and grow skin tissue back in cases such as burn victims to replace excruciating skin graft surgery. Although I enjoyed performing experiments, I found I was much more interested in how my research was going to be used outside of the lab. I was more concerned with how it would later be patented and presented to the medical community, did it have other significant uses we had not thought of, how would we protect our discoveries?

As I fell deeper into my neuroscience curriculum, I chose to join a neuroscience research team focused on neurodegenerative diseases like Huntington’s disease. In this lab, I helped gather research on the behavior of rats and mice as they were exposed to disruption to their release of neurotransmitters to determine what level of deterioration it takes to become observable. The ultimate goal of this research lab was to combine their investigations into neurodegenerative diseases and find the processes in which stem cell transplants interacted with host neurons. Again, I found I was drawn to purpose of this research and how it would be protected and applied. I was deeply impressed by those professors who had created this study and their protocols. Their research, if successful could lead to insight into how we can turn back time on degenerative diseases.

As I approached my senior year I was reminded I would need to complete a senior project for the honors college. I was given the freedom to perform a study of my own making. After having experienced the more technical side of research I wanted to explore the observable behaviors and emotions we elicit that makes us unique in this animal kingdom. Our minds are deeply complex and I sought to see how our cognitive styles and levels of aggression influence our perception of emotional intimacy. I spent many days pouring over the details of how I would administer my study, the language I would use to eliminate bias, if I should use videos or photos, how would I gather participants, ensure I was following the ethical standards and how I could eliminate errors. I learned the painstaking efforts that must be taken by an inventor to hope your study provides significant statistical analysis. My senior project opened my eyes to how an idea can flourish into a discovery, into something important that needs to be protected so that you cannot be stripped of your efforts and the goal you sought to seek can reach its highest potential.

My goal to work within the scientific intellectual property law community began with a signature two weeks into my freshman year and today it will continue with a signature submitting my application. My experiences in developing and gathering research has lead me to tremendously respect those brave enough to endeavor their research dreams. It is my strong belief that my understanding of hard sciences and human behavior and respect of the legal system can combine to protect and promote research discoveries to benefit their inventors and society in the best way possible.

[bretby]

An interesting draft, but a few comments:
1. You had to choose your major two weeks into undergrad? Was that standard for your school? It seems very unusual.
2. The change in research interests from your first two experiences to your senior project seems rather abrupt - can you explain the shift?
3. Are you sure elicit is the word you want to use?
Just some thoughts!

[pancakes]

Thank you for the suggestions! The two weeks was more a way to show that I knew what I wanted to study right away and was determined to make it happen. The change in research was due to my double major which encompassed all those topics. I will try to emphasize the psychology major in my senior project. And thanks for pointing out elicit, it's been a long day of writing.

[Anonymous User]

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[RCSOB657]

It took multiple staircases, several inquires, and a few wrong turns, but I arrived. It was the second week of my undergraduate career as part of the honors college, a multicultural advancement scholar, a resident of the health professions college, and a soon to be double major

Does this mean you were/are an MD, because that's the common understanding.

[pancakes]

It took multiple staircases, several inquires, and a few wrong turns, but I arrived. It was the second week of my undergraduate career as part of the honors college, a multicultural advancement scholar, a resident of the health professions college, and a soon to be double major

Does this mean you were/are an MD, because that's the common understanding.

No, but I can see how it would appear like that. It was just the name of a program at my school you had to apply to be a part of for students interested in health professions.