Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
jmontana
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Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:27 am

Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby jmontana » Thu Jan 08, 2015 1:16 pm

Personal Statement

You will have applicants with stronger LSAT scores than me, maybe even stronger overall profiles; however, few will have my drive to succeed. Some will have better numbers than me now, but none will surpass the dedication, determination, and perseverance that have been proven to reside within me. I have faced challenges throughout the past 23 years. This is who I am.

I grew up in a rodeo family; my dad’s passion was team roping, and my grandpa’s allegiance to the sport can be seen on his wall of accolades. I have been on a horse since I have been able to walk and swinging a rope shortly thereafter. My parents got a divorce shortly after my fifth birthday allowing me to spend every other weekend as well as all summer with my father. My time in the rural town of Ismay (population 20) consisted of the usual ranch work followed by team roping each night. As a kid, I was always a fairly natural team roper, but only remaining around it for three months out of the year hindered my success in the sport.

I moved in with my father just prior to my sophomore year of high school. Throughout the three years I spent living in eastern Montana team roping was a weekend hobby, my main focus became basketball. Instead of hours in the arena, I spent hours in the gym. I did everything within my power to succeed in the sport, and it worked. Directly after completing my senior basketball season I received an offer to play for the University of Montana Western. After completing a year of Bulldog basketball and in need of credits to fill my general requirements, I enrolled in a class taught by Montana Western’s rodeo coach, Ollie Else. She informed me of what her program had to offer, in turn causing me trade in my basketball shoes for boots, I joined the rodeo team.

Rather than only participating in team roping I decided to dive head first into tie down roping, an event many claim to be among the most difficult in rodeo. In order to succeed one must give the calf a head start, rope him around the neck, dismount your horse during his stop, run down the rope flank the calf, and tie three feet together as fast as possible. For two weeks, I spent hours in the arena converting my team roping horse, Bucknasty, into a calf horse. I had high hopes going into my first season of college rodeo and had full intentions of qualifying for the College National Rodeo Finals. The first run of my calf roping career was in Miles City, I came out and threw my rope straight into the dirt; I wasn’t even close. My second attempt came the next week in Dillon. This time I quickly caught the calf, but things went south shortly after. When going to flank the calf I tripped and ended up on my back with the calf on top of me; when all was said and done, I had gone over the 25 second time limit and lost a large amount of pride in the process. To say the least, it was not the showing I wanted in front of my hometown fans.

With the fall season in the books, I was convinced that my lack of horse power was the true encumbrance to my success. Directly before the first spring rodeo my grandpa offered up his horse Tuffy. Tuffy was a proven winner and everything I thought I needed to succeed. My inclination was wrong; after five spring rodeos I finished my sophomore season with a solid zero points in the calf roping, and even managed to tie for last place in the year-end standings. The season could not have possibly gone much worse, yet I was more determined than ever.

That summer I came back to Baker to work for TNT Diversified, an oilfield maintenance company. It was a rigorous and time consuming job, where it was not uncommon to put in a 60 hour work week. However, no matter how long the day I would speed the thirty miles home to get into the arena. There was hardly a night that I got in the house before dark; I spent hours roping, tying, and training. If there was no one to help, I would practice by myself. I put in the work, this time I was ready.

My second season of rodeo was slightly more successful than the first. After finishing with zero points in the fall, I was able to place third in both Great Falls and Glendive, and finished the season out with just over 200 points. This landed me in the 14th spot. Although 14th was an improvement; it was far from reaching the College National Finals. I have never been one to accept failure, and failing for the second straight season was the motivation I needed to send me to the top. That following summer I bled calf roping. I put even more time and effort in the practice pen, and set to the road, travelling throughout Montana, North Dakota, and South Dakota in order to gain experience competing against top competition.

I went into my third season of college rodeo full of confidence and knew there was no one in the region who had matched the time and effort that I put into the sport that summer. I nodded my head to begin the season and took second place in Cody. Two weeks later I had the best run of my life, in route to another second place finish in Miles City. Dillon was next; I placed second in both rounds and the average finishing the fall season in first place. Through all the blood, sweat, and tears, I could finally feel my hard work finally paying off and the success rolled along through the spring season. I won the first Bozeman rodeo and took fourth in the second. I came into the final rodeo of the season just 50 points out of first place. I was able to overcome the pressure and come out on top of the field; I won the rodeo, and the Big Sky Region. I can still remember the awards ceremony, Del Nose (the region director) handed me my championship buckle with the words of, “I don’t know where the #### you came from, but good job.” There was not a coach in the region that failed to compliment me on the time and commitment I had put forth that season.

My calf roping career tells the story of my life. I never let my failures overwhelm me; instead, allow them to further drive me towards my goals. Success is not given, it is earned. I was cut from the Billings West basketball team as a freshman, yet just three years later I accepted a college basketball scholarship offer. Double majoring in both Business Administration and Global Politics was both time-consuming and difficult; however, I put in the effort and will be graduating college this May with a GPA just south of 3.98. I had never roped a calf, three years later I’m a regional champion and a college national finalist. I take challenges head on and through a lifetime of experiences I’m equipped with the tools needed to overcome them. I look forward to the opportunity to put these tools to test at the University of Montana, School of Law.

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WhiskeyAndCupcakes
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Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby WhiskeyAndCupcakes » Thu Jan 08, 2015 1:40 pm

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Last edited by WhiskeyAndCupcakes on Fri May 29, 2015 12:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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UOI4430
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Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby UOI4430 » Fri Jan 09, 2015 5:29 pm

I like your story but not necessarily your PS.

1) The first paragraph NEEDS to be cut. Law schools are full of incredibly hard workers. There is no possible way you can conclude that you work harder than every last person who is applying to law school. The adcomms will not appreciate this sentiment.

2) The PS should be paired down to make your rodeo career one or two paragraphs instead of three or four. Saying "I got this place in this tournament then this place in the next tournament" is not compelling writing nor storytelling. The adcomms will lose interest in your story if it seems to drone on. Instead, only bring up the one major loss and one major victory.

3) What is your LSAT score? Your PS seems to suggest that it is maybe not so good. You are obviously a hard worker, but if your LSAT is weak the adcomm's question will become, "if he is such a hard worker, why didn't he get a better score?" Perhaps that is something to bring up in an addendum (Work + School = Lack of time, stress, etc.).

I do think that your statement tells a compelling story of hard work and sacrifice which will be important to adcomms. Make sure that you identify the reason you are interested in pursuing law and why the University of Montana.

I am a former U of M undergrad. Missoula is awesome, and the school is great. Good luck with your applications!

03282016
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[s][/s]

Postby 03282016 » Fri Jan 09, 2015 9:47 pm

Last edited by 03282016 on Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

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t-14orbust
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Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby t-14orbust » Fri Jan 09, 2015 10:05 pm

stopped reading after first few sentences

kcdc1
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Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby kcdc1 » Fri Jan 09, 2015 10:39 pm

Pretty good PS. Delete the first paragraph -- it adds nothing positive and is not at all connected to your narrative.

jmontana
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:27 am

Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby jmontana » Sat Jan 10, 2015 12:23 am

Thanks for the help everyone, its safe to say that the first paragraph is gone.

03282016
Posts: 4984
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:52 am

[s][/s]

Postby 03282016 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 12:25 am

Last edited by 03282016 on Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

jmontana
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:27 am

Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby jmontana » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:11 am

Heres my updated conclusion, I edited some words from the original opening and included them in here. Is it still to strong? I also added the line about my LSAT score, should I keep it in?

My calf roping career tells the story of my life. I never let my failures overwhelm me; instead, allow them to further drive me towards my goals. Success is not given, it is earned. You will have applicants with stronger LSAT scores than me, maybe even stronger overall profiles; however, few will surpass the dedication, determination, and perseverance that have been proven to reside within me. I have faced challenges throughout the past 23 years. I was cut from the Billings West basketball team as a freshman, yet just three years later I accepted a college basketball scholarship offer. Double majoring in both Business Administration and Global Politics was both time-consuming and difficult; however, I put in the effort and will be graduating college this May with a GPA just south of 3.98. I had never roped a calf, three years later I’m a regional champion and a college national finalist. Do to a combination of school, work, rodeo, and test time sickness, I have received an LSAT high of ###, but don't count on that to hold me back; I've been studying with every free moment I have to ensure that number raises come February. I take challenges head on and through a lifetime of experiences I’m equipped with the tools needed to overcome them. I look forward to the opportunity to put these tools to test at the University of Montana, School of Law.

jmontana
Posts: 20
Joined: Wed Jan 07, 2015 11:27 am

Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby jmontana » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:13 am

I took out the "Double majoring in both Business Administration and Global Politics was both time-consuming and difficult; however, I put in the effort and will be graduating college this May with a GPA just south of 3.98." line to

03282016
Posts: 4984
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 12:52 am

[s][/s]

Postby 03282016 » Sat Jan 10, 2015 1:37 am

Last edited by 03282016 on Mon Mar 28, 2016 7:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

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WhiskeyAndCupcakes
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Re: Final Copy of P.S. Sending Shortly (Please Comment/Edit)

Postby WhiskeyAndCupcakes » Sat Jan 10, 2015 11:13 am

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