Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 02, 2015 10:05 pm

Hey guys, I'd love a little help reviewing, editing, and possible critique afterwards. I'd prefer someone with experience doing this, and I'll gladly pay 25-50$ for a half hour/ hour of your time. I'd really appreciate it, thanks.
Throughout my childhood and into my early adulthood, I had the pleasure of living in six different states, stretching from as far northeast as Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to as far southwest as Denver, Colorado and many places in between. Like most kids that live in different states, I absolutely dreaded it and cursed my dad, a commercial glass general manager, every time he would sit me down and break the news that our family was headed to a different place. Despite my muttered curses and desperate appeals for reconsideration, my family would move to wherever my dad’s job took him. Unbeknownst to me, my frequent changes of scenery would gift me with a skill that quickly made transitions easier, and teach me a lesson that would be valuable forever.

While moving around, I realized how frequenting various states across the country allowed me to develop my skill for socially integrating myself into a new world, and it quickly sharpened my ability to meet new people. This would benefit me greatly in making lost-lasting friendships and easing the process of being the new kid. Unfortunately, it trapped me in a state of mind in which the only thing that fueled my happiness and self-esteem was the knowledge that I was socially accepted by many, which led me down a path of carelessness and ill-advised decisions to start my adulthood and college career.

Two years into my college career, I was socially adapted and well liked around campus, and thriving in my new home for the foreseeable two years. Unfortunately, in my everlasting quest to be liked by people around me, I was blind to the importance of applying my intelligence and work ethic into my schoolwork, and instead chose to apply my time and efforts to partying, sleeping in, and neglecting my coursework. Albeit the negligence was not severe enough to warrant academic probation or serious inquiries from my school, it was not up to par with the standards I was accustomed to or raised with. A change would be needed if I were going to resurrect my academic career.

My poor lifestyle choices ended up opening my eyes to the importance of work ethic and academic dedication through a rather unfortunate event. Near the end of my sophomore year my poor decisions caught up with me and I was cited with Minor in Possession of Alcohol, and charged a fine. My parents, school, and most importantly myself were all disappointed in the direction my life had taken, and I talked with my parents and myself to decide where I wanted to go, and how I was going to do it. I had a sub 3.00 GPA, and was halfway done with a difficult major and minor that would not be more forgiving going forward. As I had done so many times in the past, I was going to have to adapt to a new lifestyle, and apply myself to save my chances of a respectable GPA in a field of study that showed no mercy for lackadaisical focus or lack of dedication.

I began taking school and my classes more seriously going forward and quickly realized I actually had a pretty strong interest in physics and math, but more specifically in the concepts and origins in the separate lessons we were being taught. I was more interested in how mathematicians proved their claims, and how brilliant scientists proved their equations and inventions in science, rather than their repeated applicability to a problem in a textbook. While the applicability of famous discoveries such as Sir Isaac Newton’s second law of motion was visually beautiful when applied to gravitational problems, the methodology and inventive drive that was required for Newton to realize such a fundamental fact of life was even more rewarding for me to study. Given my strong interest and authentic passion for knowing the origins and pathways that lead to discoveries in science and mathematics, I began to look for a career path that would allow me to be a part of the birth of a new idea, invention, or theory relating to science or math.

Living in so many places has gifted me with the ability to adapt to new and often challenging environments, while at the same time allowing me to learn from the mistakes that often come from just trying to blend in, without adapting to new scholarly challenges as well. Through this learning process, I’ve come to realize that I have a gift with physics and math, and a strong desire to be a part of them, specifically in the area of ideas. Ideas, inventions, and newfound theories that people develop on a daily basis absolutely astonish me, and I would love nothing more than to be a part of that process. Given my background in physics and math, coupled with my social skills that I’ve acquired through the process of moving multiple times as a child, I’m driven to pursue a law school education, specifically in the area of intellectual property. I believe it is the best way to combine the two skills that I believe will serve me best going forward with my life. Given XXXXXXX University’s national recognition for it’s intellectual property program, and my strong desire to be with my family, who now live back in Chicago for the foreseeable future, I think XXXXX University would be the perfect place to continue my education and conquer new challenges.

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mysojuli
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Re: Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby mysojuli » Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:48 pm

Have you thought about getting the PS reviewed by a consultant like Mike Spivey? I only mention it because you're willing to pay..

ilikebaseball
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Joined: Sat Jun 28, 2014 3:04 am

Re: Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby ilikebaseball » Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:51 pm

dude you dont have to pay someone to advice your PS lol that's what the forums are for

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Ramius
Posts: 2005
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:39 am

Re: Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby Ramius » Mon Jan 05, 2015 11:58 pm

First off, you don't need to pay anyone anything for the service of reading and critiquing your PS. There are numerous intelligent people here willing to help.

As for your statement, it still needs work. I appreciate your desire to combine something unique about you (your family background), your shortcomings (not so subtle GPA addendum), and your fire for going to law school, but you bit off more than you can chew. Instead of trying to capture every little bit of yourself in one PS, you instead need to find something that singularly encapsulates you as an applicant and shows a third party reader why you're an amazing applicant.

Your statement was okay, and honestly if you submitted as it is, it would probably only hurt you in the outliers, but it can be better. Focus on formative adult experiences that make you think you have a compelling narrative. The DS and possible GPA addendum can function on their own. Your PS is your best chance to show the reader a third dimension. This does a passable job of doing that, but you have more in you.

Marty35
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jan 02, 2015 10:01 pm

Re: Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby Marty35 » Tue Jan 06, 2015 9:02 pm

Okay, would you say to use a completely seperate topic for the PS and abandon the GPA and family background for a DS and addendum? My problem is the only other thing I think that I could write a statement on is how I work at Verizon Wireless 35-40 hours a week during the school year, and that gives me a little business experience. However I want to go into Intellectual Property law so I'm not sure if that would be applicable. I appreciate the help on the PS.

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Ramius
Posts: 2005
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:39 am

Re: Help Reviewing PS, Will Gladly Pay 25-50$ through PayPal

Postby Ramius » Wed Jan 07, 2015 12:07 am

Marty35 wrote:Okay, would you say to use a completely seperate topic for the PS and abandon the GPA and family background for a DS and addendum? My problem is the only other thing I think that I could write a statement on is how I work at Verizon Wireless 35-40 hours a week during the school year, and that gives me a little business experience. However I want to go into Intellectual Property law so I'm not sure if that would be applicable. I appreciate the help on the PS.


This was an admirable first try, but I strongly suggest you start again from scratch. Not because the one you wrote isn't usable (it very much is), but more because sometimes you have to write 4-5 new drafts to find the one that you're meant to use. I found the right topic and right tone on my 4th try of writing a completely new PS.

As for how you break up these different things, you have to dig deep. Stop focusing on what I want to read and spend your time focusing on what you want me to read. Sell yourself. Make me believe in you as an applicant. Stop searching for topics that are the "right topic" and spend more time thinking about what makes you interesting as a future professional.

I can't tell you what your voice should be, and what your topic should be, but I can tell you that what I'm reading here seems like you still haven't settled enough on who you are as a law school applicant. Get introspective, focus on what strengths you want a complete stranger to see in you, and find a way to display those strengths to someone who may never meet you prior to deciding your law school fate. It sounds daunting, but it's the only way you can get to the root of who you are as an applicant.

If you have any questions, feel free to PM me and ask anything you like.




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