Any help would be appreciated

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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Joined: Wed Oct 22, 2014 12:22 pm

Any help would be appreciated

Postby dustybottoms7 » Tue Dec 30, 2014 2:27 am

Debating whether or not this is a right fit for the topic of my ps... let me know what you think.

Why me? It was 2005, precancerous cells had invaded my esophagus, the realization of what this meant created a mantra I repeated over and over in my head - why me? The stomach aches started the year before, continuously leaving me bedridden, unable to go to work and rarely making it to school. When the pain would not decease, I underwent an endoscopy. Before informing me of the results, the doctor requested a second endoscopy be performed in order to verify test result accuracy. At what would be my second of biannual endoscopies, a tissue sample was taken and sent to the lab. A few weeks later my parents sat me down to break the news, I have acid reflux disease.
The memory of that conversation is clear as day. I had just been playing basketball at a neighbor's house, when I got home, I could tell by the look on their faces there would be no good news. They told me the tissue sample from my endoscopy had been tested as positive for containing precancerous cells. The connotation of the term, precancerous, was enough to immediately overwhelm me with fear. I could hardly explain what it meant, but the idea of it, of the unknown, terrified me. My father did not beat around the bush, he told me my symptoms were not stable, if the cells went from precancerous to cancerous, it could be terminal. Preventive action was necessary, in order to beat my condition, I would need to change my lifestyle.
As a teenager, it was a hard to sacrifice my diet. I could not eat hamburgers, pizza, or ice cream. But, what was worse than my dietary restrictions, was having to explain it to my friends and peers. Having to constantly explain to people I could not go to McDonald's like the rest of them. At that age, all I wanted to do was fit in, especially with something as normal as ordering a BigMac.
One year after transforming my diet, I underwent another endoscopy, and thankfully, the precancerous cells had subsided, but there was always going to be a possibility of their return. Although I was young and did not fully comprehend what my illness meant, I knew enough to make a decision to never allow obstacles to deter me from my aspirations. Some of the hobbies I enjoyed, and the things I cherished became trivial to me. Being diagnosed with acid reflux disease became an inspiration for me to take a new perspective on what it meant to live. I was not going to let a dietary transformation be the only lesson I learned, I was prepared to capture what I wanted with my life. I stopped asking myself - why me? and instead told myself - why not me? Within the next year I considerably raised my GPA, and made the high school baseball team. These were huge accomplishments for me because they allowed me to take a step forward in achieving a much larger goal of mine, going to college.
Going to college had always been an aspiration of mine, but I was not always in a position to do so. I did not know where I wanted to go to college, but I did know I wanted to be far away from my home in southern California. This dream was not for want of a scenery change or to escape my parents, but more to embrace myself. Having been ill, my parents were accustomed to catering to me. I wanted to prove to myself I could be an adult and take care of myself. I knew what I wanted just a year after my diagnosis, when everyone always wanted to do things for me, and all I wanted was to do them for myself. In order to make this happen I got a job right when I started high school, and started my college savings fund, committing to the idea of making this happen for myself, by myself. Since that day I haven't spent a day without being employed. I knew that if I wanted to attend a university to study law, such as (insert school here), and eventually practice law, I was going to have to exemplify the resilience I learned from my illness, in college. Which is precisely what I did, and is exactly why I'm applying to attend your university to study law, because truly, all things considered, why not me?

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Joined: Wed Dec 10, 2014 12:52 pm

Re: Any help would be appreciated

Postby mka5000066 » Thu Jan 01, 2015 7:19 pm

I feel like an explanation of what a endoscopy is could be beneficial just in case the reader wasn't sure what it entailed.

I really liked the "why me" vs "why not me paradigm shift", but I would have also liked to have seen something about why it is that you want to go to law school.

Just a thought!

Posts: 31
Joined: Fri Jul 11, 2014 11:31 am

Re: Any help would be appreciated

Postby madz » Fri Jan 02, 2015 3:59 pm

mka5000066 wrote:
I really liked the "why me" vs "why not me paradigm shift", but I would have also liked to have seen something about why it is that you want to go to law school.

Just a thought!

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