Page 1 of 1
Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!
Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:24 am
by Anonymous User
.
Re: Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!
Posted: Sun Dec 28, 2014 3:19 pm
by bretby
I think this is a great start. My only substantive comment is that the first paragraph comes across as cliched, which does a disservice to your otherwise interesting essay.
Hope this helps!
Re: Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!
Posted: Mon Dec 29, 2014 12:05 pm
by cavalier2015
my 2 cents: i like the last two paragraphs but everything else sounds like things I can find on your resume. also felt like i was learning more about TELSA motors than you