Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!

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Anonymous User
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Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 28, 2014 4:24 am

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Sat Jan 03, 2015 5:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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bretby
Posts: 312
Joined: Thu Oct 30, 2014 5:15 pm

Re: Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!

Postby bretby » Sun Dec 28, 2014 3:19 pm

I think this is a great start. My only substantive comment is that the first paragraph comes across as cliched, which does a disservice to your otherwise interesting essay.
Hope this helps!

cavalier2015
Posts: 367
Joined: Thu Dec 26, 2013 12:50 pm

Re: Rough Draft of Personal Statement--Appreciate any comments!

Postby cavalier2015 » Mon Dec 29, 2014 12:05 pm

my 2 cents: i like the last two paragraphs but everything else sounds like things I can find on your resume. also felt like i was learning more about TELSA motors than you




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