First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Indifference
Posts: 535
Joined: Sat Nov 16, 2013 3:01 am

First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

Postby Indifference » Mon Dec 22, 2014 8:21 pm

Edit. Removed. Mods you can delete.
Last edited by Indifference on Sun Jan 04, 2015 12:40 pm, edited 2 times in total.

greensun108
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Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2014 9:07 pm

Re: First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

Postby greensun108 » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:00 pm

I don't know a lot about personal statements, but I thought this was great. You seem to have an excellent topic, and the essay has good structure and flow.

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starry eyed
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Joined: Thu Nov 13, 2014 11:26 am

Re: First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

Postby starry eyed » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:34 pm

it's too focused on your father and not enough on you. it reads more like a letter of recommendation for you father than your personal statement. just my 2 cents

Indifference
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Re: First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

Postby Indifference » Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:57 pm

alaird21 wrote:it's too focused on your father and not enough on you. it reads more like a letter of recommendation for you father than your personal statement. just my 2 cents


This was the general feeling I had as well after re-reading it. I do like the general topic, however. Maybe I should cut back on some of his character info and/or link it more clearly to mine?

Indifference
Posts: 535
Joined: Sat Nov 16, 2013 3:01 am

Re: First Draft of PS. Thoughts?

Postby Indifference » Wed Dec 31, 2014 6:30 pm

Removed. Mods you can delete.




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