Please Critique and Edit- For Tier 3 NOT HARVARD LOL

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Please Critique and Edit- For Tier 3 NOT HARVARD LOL

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 21, 2014 1:57 pm

“A mind that is stretched by new a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” This quote from former Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr., eloquently summarizes my reasoning for seeking a legal education. Each new experience I gain whether in my personal or professional life has shaped me and prepared me in some way for the future.
Before completion of my undergraduate degree I sought a career in the legal field with an overall shallow understanding of the field. When I was asked why I wanted to be an attorney at this time, my answer was short and comprised of my hope to protect legal rights of the innocent. After completing courses in history and political science my understanding of the legal system and rights grew in ways that allowed me to realize new goals in becoming an attorney, goals that were much deeper in scope. My current answer to the question of why I plan to become an attorney often turns into a much longer discussion, that in summation, relies on my belief that everyone has legal rights and that for the judicial system to function and maintain its place in our society, these rights must be protected and upheld by people well versed in the study of law.
One undergraduate experience in particular greatly shaped me as a person and gave the drive that I feel will be necessary as a law student. While working on my undergraduate courses full time, I also held a full time office job that involved leasing and real estate. In the three years that I worked and attended school full time, I was challenged to overcome fatigue, scheduling issues, and the overall fight to make ends meet. Experiences gained from not meeting a work goal one month, dealing with customer service issues and demanding more from myself intellectually than I ever had, paid off in numerous ways. My job has expanded my background by allowing me to meet and interact with numerous people in a professional fashion, and has allowed me to gain patience and other tools required for compromising or trying to please a customer. Through several promotions I have grown with the company I work for and have gained new responsibilities and have had the challenge of balancing that with classwork and maintaining my grades. Through these aforementioned situations, I also learned sacrifice and disappointment as there were times when my grades suffered because more was required of me at work and vice versa. This experience although challenging, was one that shaped me greatly as I learned to prioritize and work hard to reach my goals. Through challenges, disappointments and successes I feel I have strengthened my inner drive and perseverance needed to make me a dedicated and willful law student and attorney.
I seek a legal education so that my mind is expanded to new dimensions that allow me to become a proficient and successful attorney. I feel that my desire to ensure the protection of legal rights for all, as well as my drive and work ethic will make me a dedicated law student. In my undergraduate experiences, I have found that I enjoy listening to other points of view and questioning those points of view to gain a better understanding of perspectives different from my own. I also enjoy engaging in meaningful conversation, and am often able to easily ascertain and understand both sides to the argument, which contributes to a dynamic classroom setting. My overall goal in seeking a legal education is to gain knowledge and experience that will add to my educational and professional foundation and allow me to become a proficient and valuable member of the legal field. In gaining this knowledge, I hope to better myself and overall contribute to the judicial branch of government, as a whole, through a heightened understanding of laws and rights.

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Clemenceau
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Re: Please Critique and Edit- For Tier 3 NOT HARVARD LOL

Postby Clemenceau » Sun Dec 21, 2014 2:42 pm

Starting with a quote is very cliché, but if you must do it, at least get the quote right.

The whole second paragraph needs to be redone, especially the first sentence. Glaring semantics issues.

Your "old answer" and "current answer" as to why you want be an attorney are remarkably similar.

Overall its rather vague and wordy. Use more concrete examples, and try to make your sentences more concise. After reading this, I literally don't know a thing about you other than you worked during college.




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