Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Egzon
Posts: 183
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby Egzon » Sat Dec 20, 2014 8:51 pm

Hello guys,

I wanted to hear about what you guys thought about my diversity statement. Any comment is welcome! I also wanted to let you know that I posted my personal statement, if you guys could have a look at it. I posted it as anonymous: Personal Statement

This is my diversity statement:

“Egzan?” “Exon?” This is what I would get called every first day of class by my professors. Egzon S*******. This is my name on official documents: it might be the first time you've heard of this name but where I am from, it is very common. Indeed, “e gzon” in Albanian means “enjoy.” The immigrant officer added an “e” at the end of my first name to make it sound “more” French when my parents left Kosovo during the war. Ensconced in a muslim neighborhood of Brussels, a better place than the poor rural area my parents had left in hopes of a better life for their children, I should have been happy to live around people who shared the same culture. I knew I was lucky enough to live there, however, I felt out of place everywhere; in school, I was too “white” to be accepted by the other more dark-skinned muslims, but too “foreign” to be welcomed by the autochthons. As a revolt to this rejection, I associated myself with the wrong people. I was destined to become another one of them and the events surrounding me confirmed it: alcohol, drugs, thefts, etc. Fortunately, my grandmother was a wise woman and put me in the right path: following her advices, I decided to follow a foreign path to everyone in my neighborhood, I decided to focus on school.
Even though my name was strange to everyone I met, I decided to make my voice heard in class by studying hard and getting the best grades. My father worked hard and was able to settle in a middle class neighborhood. However, I decided to stay at the same school because I wanted to prove them I could achieve my goals despite the negativity around me but also because I had been able to make a few friends that liked me for who I really was. Since then, I got the best grades in my class and stopped spending time with anyone who had a negative impact on me. I learned that it was best to associate one's self with a few good people than with many bad people. Considering my good grades, I began looking into leaving Belgium for the United States in order to pursue my education. My father always supported me and encouraged me to follow my dreams. Soon enough, I moved to the United States to finish my senior year of high school and to pursue my college career.
In the United States, I experienced some of the same struggles. My name was still difficult for everyone to pronounce. However, I wasn't shy about it and corrected anyone who made a mistake; “it's like 'eggs' 'on',” I would rebut. There also, I was considered an immigrant. What a paradox, though, to represent the people that denied me: I was indeed representing the Belgians, some of whom did not accept me for being an Albanian in their country. Throughout the years, I learned that even though some people might not accept me, I am still Albanian and Belgian and nobody could take that away from me. I would eat “pite,” a traditional Albanian meal, as much I would eat “moules-frites,” the Belgian's national dish; and I would always root for the “Diables Rouges,” the Belgian soccer team.
The main struggle I had to overcome when I moved to the United States was the language barrier. Answering easy questions about myself became a difficult task. Every day after school, I would buy the New York Times, read it and highlight the words I did not understand. Although many Americans don't use the word “laconic” often, I had to look up “splinter” to understand it even though it is a fairly simple word. I applied myself and within a few months, I was able to hold a coherent conversation with natives. I had just added another language to my collection, on top of Albanian and French.
Having one foot in Belgium and the other in my Albanian heritage, I experienced firsthand marginalization for being different from the majority, be it from the people who shared the same religion as me or the people who were totally different from me culturally. Nonetheless, moving to the United States at a relatively young age, I was able to reconcile both cultures within me. I understood, while living by myself in the United States, that getting older is mandatory, but growing up is a choice. My name, my religion, and my diverse background will not be an obstacle anymore because I embrace it all. Today, I know that my uniqueness is not a flaw, but an asset that helps me have a different perspective on life.
Last edited by Egzon on Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Egzon
Posts: 183
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby Egzon » Sun Dec 21, 2014 3:44 pm

Up? I kinda wanna be done my essays before I get my score...

bb44
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2014 9:16 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby bb44 » Sun Dec 21, 2014 6:13 pm

Sooooo why do you want to be a lawyer?

Egzon
Posts: 183
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby Egzon » Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:10 pm

I've read dozens of diversity statements and almost none of them specifically talked about why they wanted to go to law school. They all talked about how they faced adversity due to their background, etc.

Do you think I should add something about how my experiences led me to decide to go to law school?

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RCSOB657
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Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 2:50 am

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby RCSOB657 » Sun Dec 21, 2014 7:57 pm

Egzon wrote:I've read dozens of diversity statements and almost none of them specifically talked about why they wanted to go to law school. They all talked about how they faced adversity due to their background, etc.

Do you think I should add something about how my experiences led me to decide to go to law school?


You should do whatever the prompt tells you to write. Take what you have and edit when needed.

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A. Nony Mouse
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Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sun Dec 21, 2014 8:48 pm

Egzon wrote:I've read dozens of diversity statements and almost none of them specifically talked about why they wanted to go to law school. They all talked about how they faced adversity due to their background, etc.

Do you think I should add something about how my experiences led me to decide to go to law school?

No, a diversity statement doesn't have to do this. (A personal statement doesn't have to do this, either.)

bb44
Posts: 12
Joined: Wed Dec 17, 2014 9:16 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby bb44 » Sun Dec 21, 2014 9:12 pm

Was being lazy and didn't read your intro, all I saw was "personal statement." For a diversity statement its a pretty interesting read but may be a touch long--but for full disclosure I haven't done much research on diversity statements.

Egzon
Posts: 183
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby Egzon » Mon Dec 22, 2014 5:27 am

Alright, thanks for the clarification.

Let me ask specific questions I guess:

- What do you think of the overall tone of the essay?
- The essay is pretty much 2 pages double-spaced, it might a little long but I feel that it shows how diverse my background is and the experiences that make me stand out.
- I tried to use a compelling introduction: specific example and hardship that immigrants go through (change of my name), what do you guys think about it?
- I tried to be a little humorous: name hard to pronounce, NY Times, etc. Do you think it's used effectively?

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schmelling
Posts: 1090
Joined: Wed Jul 09, 2014 12:15 am

Post removed.

Postby schmelling » Mon Dec 22, 2014 9:02 am

Post removed.
Last edited by schmelling on Sat Dec 05, 2015 1:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Egzon
Posts: 183
Joined: Fri May 20, 2011 6:01 pm

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby Egzon » Mon Dec 22, 2014 1:02 pm

Thanks. I used the term correctly later in the essay though :)

Any criticism on the themes of the statement and if you think it's a compelling essay?

bennep311
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Dec 22, 2014 11:29 am

Re: Diversity statement -- Immigrant life

Postby bennep311 » Mon Dec 22, 2014 7:52 pm

I think it overlaps a little bit too much with you PS. No one likes to hear the story again and again.




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