Personal Statement Draft

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273100
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Personal Statement Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Nov 22, 2014 5:04 pm

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Thanks everyone!
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Nov 23, 2014 11:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273100
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:30 pm

Bump.

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RCSOB657
Posts: 2269
Joined: Wed Jun 18, 2014 2:50 am

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby RCSOB657 » Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:41 pm

Sorry not sure how to help here. It can play I suppose, sounds genuine. Nothing I can see stands out as anything I've heard adcoms advise against saying. YMMW

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swampman
Posts: 489
Joined: Fri Sep 13, 2013 3:48 pm

Re: Personal Statement Draft

Postby swampman » Sun Nov 23, 2014 8:45 pm

Personally I like the story, but it's definitely on the riskier end of personal statements. If you're okay with that, then the suggestion I would make is to strengthen the last two paragraphs. A big weakness is that the story doesn't lead to a big "aha, that's why he wants to be a lawyer" moment. It's not my story, so I can't give you much advice on how to make that leap. A starting point might be expanding on what you mean by the "I might protect the rights of some family" sentence. Envision yourself as a lawyer - what exactly do you want to be doing?




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