Feedback Please? Topic Choice and Content. Forum

[Anonymous User]

Lol haters 2 months late. In with $$$ at 2 t14s so far with slightly modified ps.

[AnonymousAlterEgoC]

You need to destroy the ambiguity in the word "liked."

It's not appropriate for her to like you.

You only used the word "privilege" once, but I feel like I've been hit over the head by that word. You could just as easily make it obvious that you're a recent grad and working at an unpaid internship and let the reader infer the rest without the cliches.

It's kind of generic and impersonal because you spend so much time on Cocoa, but you also fail to paint an effective picture of her. One sentence will do; you've got to find the right one. Something simple. She was combative because she cared about finding the right cause, the best cause, the only one that mattered.

I didn't gain anything from the content details about the class. There are several sentences devoted to this, but it never really matters.

Perhaps your greatest flaw is that your JD aspirations flop out at the end all awkwardly and such. Tip: do some searching into law programs that serve the underprivileged. Get a better idea of what you want to do.

[buckeyeinbangkok]

http://blogs.law.yale.edu/blogs/admissi ... essay.aspx

[JustDuke]

This takes bad to a brand new level. And I thought I saw it all. Is it your PS, or is it recommendation letter for Cocoa. I be damned but I would rather see her in LS then you. Whats the point of taking in a sheep when you can have a shepherd.

You showed yourself as somebody that couldn't even think outside the box. Your opinions are formed and you are obstinate as a donkey. You are not even sure in your opinions as you seek an outside validation - "We focused on the issues raised by the United Nations Declaration of Human Rights that were difficult to argue against."

And Cocoa was a free thinker. And she was too much for you. You cannot handle her, you went to your superiors because she outsmarted you. And she didn't even try. And you were trying to confine her to you narrow minded cage of values. But you failed. Luckily.

She is so bigger a person then you are. And she even managed to be patronizing to you without you noticing. She didn't respect you. She pitied you. But she let you think otherwise.