Very Rough Draft

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Anonymous User
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Very Rough Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Sep 02, 2014 3:00 pm

I Know it is short, and extremely rough, but I am looking for critiques. Critique the writing style, the writing itself, the topic, everything is fair game! Thank You!

Edit: Realized I didn't actually post the statement, whoops!

I finished high school without a clear idea of what I wished to do with my future. I had always enjoyed the sciences, I even took a few advanced placement classes, and so I picked a program from a local college’s list of majors, and applied. To this day, I regret that decision, and the lack of thought I put into it. I do not, however, regret my degree. While I may have chosen biochemistry haphazardly, I have grown to immensely enjoy it; I simply wish I had reached higher.

I don’t mean to say that my university is poor quality, or that I didn’t get a good education. Most of my professors were amazing teachers and mentors. They took my interest in science and grew it into a passion, and yet, something was still missing. I enjoy the theory behind the science I have studied, I enjoy discussing the latest advances, I enjoy doing literary research, and I enjoy engaging in debates on controversial scientific topics, but I never truly enjoyed being the one doing the research.

Around the point that I started to become disenchanted with the idea of committing to being a research scientist, I began to take a serious look at law school. I had considered it before, as it is one of those “big” professions that kids talk excitedly about being when they grow up, along with doctors, firefighters, and astronauts, but I had never taken a deeper look into it. So I began to dig, and I realized that this is what I have been looking for. I realized that I could combine my passion for biochemistry with my interest in law, and truly do something that I would enjoy.

My interest in becoming a patent lawyer has only grown since I made that discovery, and I have dug deeper into what law school will enable me to do with my future ever since. I didn’t think out my future when I first applied to the biochemistry program, and I may not have applied to the top science programs in the country, but I will not make that mistake again. I have found a profession that I can be passionate about, a profession that will let me use what I have spent the last four and a half years working towards. Now is my time to reach to my highest potential.

TheFutureLawyer

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Re: Very Rough Draft

Postby TheFutureLawyer » Wed Sep 03, 2014 12:48 am

Anonymous User wrote:I Know it is short, and extremely rough, but I am looking for critiques. Critique the writing style, the writing itself, the topic, everything is fair game! Thank You!

Edit: Realized I didn't actually post the statement, whoops!

I finished high school without a clear idea of what I wished wanted to do with my future. I had always enjoyed the sciences, I even took a few advanced placement classes, and so I picked a program from a local college’s list of majors, and applied. To this day, I regret that decision, and the lack of thought I put into it. I do not, however, regret my degree. While I may have chosen biochemistry haphazardly, I have grown to immenselyenjoy it immensely; I simply wish I had reached higher.

I don’t mean to say that my university is of poor quality, or that I didn’t get a good education. Most of my professors were amazing teachers and mentors. They took my interest in science and grew it into a passion, and yet, something was still missing. I enjoy the theory behind the science I have studied, I enjoy discussing the latest advances, I enjoy doing literary research, and I enjoy engaging in debates on controversial scientific topics, but I never truly enjoyed being the one doing the research.

Around the point that I started to become disenchanted dissatisfied with the idea of committing to being a research scientist, I began to take a serious look at law school. I had considered it before, as it is one of those “big” professions that kids talk excitedly about being when they grow up, along with doctors, firefighters, and astronauts, but I had never taken a deeper look into it. So I began to dig, and I realized that this is what I have been looking for. I realized that I could combine my passion for biochemistry with my interest in law, and truly do something that I would enjoyWhy/how?.

My interest in becoming a patent lawyer has only grown since I made that discovery, and I have dug deeper into what law school will enable me to do with my future ever since. I didn’t think out my future when I first applied to the biochemistry program, and I may not have applied to the top science programs in the country, but I will not make that mistake again. I have found a profession that I can be passionate about, a profession that will let me use what I have spent the last four and a half years working towards. Now is my time to reach to my highest potential. I gotta catch 'em all!



Green: Is there something harder/higher than biochemistry? If there is, the poli sci majors reading your PS haven't heard of it. Also, don't like how that's worded/structured. I'd get rid of it all together.

Underline: re-word/re-structure. Actually, imagine I underlined the whole thing (or just about).

Didn't care for the whole last paragraph. And you said "dig/dug deeper" twice in the PS, which is at least one time too many.



I like the story. Just work on the execution.



eta; regarding the wished/disenchanted; that's probably more personal to me, but words like that make me think you think this is some kinda fairy tale.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Very Rough Draft

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Sep 03, 2014 1:06 am

Thank you for your response! I wrote this pretty quickly when it popped into my head. I have been having problems choosing a topic for my statement, as I don't have any real stories, obstacles, or hardships that pushed me towards law school (beyond what's in this statement). I clearly need to rework the whole thing, as even I can admit it's shoddy writing. I was more concerned with the idea of it in general, and if it would work as a personal statement.

colesen1992

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Re: Very Rough Draft

Postby colesen1992 » Sun Sep 07, 2014 9:38 pm

I reworked just about the entire statement, but kept the overall theme the same. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.



I finished high school with no idea of what I wanted to do with my future. I had enjoyed the myriad of science classes I took, so I picked a program from my local college, and applied. To this day, I regret that decision. That is not to say I regret my degree, as I do not, but I do regret the lack of thought put into the decision. While I chose to study biochemistry on a whim, I grew to immensely enjoy the subject, and it eventually led me to my current path, law school.

My first year in college was spent sulking in the back of general credit classes. I took a few of the prerequisite classes for my major, but most of my time was spent in generic college classes with a smattering of different majors. It was in these classes that I initially started to mull over my decision. I began to question whether or not this was really the place for me, and I became dissatisfied with my college experience. As I entered the second year of college, I began to take the upper level courses for my major, and that’s when my interest was piqued. I began to relish learning the different concepts, reading the latest research, and discussing what I had learned. I joined the college’s chemistry club, and I became a teacher’s assistant for an organic chemistry lab, but the more I interacted with the other science majors, the more it became apparent I wasn’t satisfied with my career path.

While biochemistry had grown into a subject I had a passion for, I did not want to follow the typical path of being a research scientist. Once I came to that realization, I began to look for an alternative that could still incorporate aspects of my biochemistry knowledge. I looked into several different careers, but ultimately I ended up with law school stuck in my head. I had considered law school before, back when I haphazardly chose biochemistry in the first place, but ended up not pursuing it. Now, with a renewed interest, I began searching for a way to tie my biochemistry degree in with practicing law, which is how I discovered patent law.

The more I researched into become a patent lawyer, and what it entails, the more I am sure of my choice. By becoming a patent lawyer I can still use my knowledge and passion for biochemistry, my skills in research, and my writing abilities in a manner that would excite me. The thought of helping to protect the newest advances in science, which are coming at an ever-increasing rate, has sparked a renewed passion in my education. I may have taken a roundabout way to discovering my interest in law, but I wouldn’t change my path, for I may never have expanded my knowledge, and increased my passion for biochemistry otherwise, and therefore my newfound passion for studying law.



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