Asking for feedback of my PS rough draft

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Asking for feedback of my PS rough draft

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Aug 11, 2014 4:04 pm

I know this is very rough and welcome any feedback. I have struggled with how to write this.

Thank you in advance.

"Mistakes and challenges. I have experienced both as most have. Some use their mistakes as a crutch and excuse. Others use them to overcome their challenges. I am in the latter group. My journey to get to law school has been a lengthy one.
I began the journey in middle school when I gave a speech at the Cleveland University Club as a Student Ambassador. I was praised by many community leaders and was told to explore a legal career as an option by more than a few in attendance. I went to school in a violent inner city school district and I knew this wouldn’t be a downhill adventure. I chose a magnet high school called Law and Public Service Magnet school. We were required to take law classes and perform in mock trials. We even had the opportunity to complete externships in local law firms, I completed mine at Jones Day. I knew after just two days at the firm that I was on the right path. I have always been an avid reader but in high school I was a true book worm. I would go to library sales and purchase outdated legal texts and read case studies and briefs constantly challenging myself and researching any terms I did not understand.
This is where the challenges and mistakes enter the picture. Due to parental abuse I was placed into foster care and ripped from all that I knew, my school, work, and my friends. Foster care placed me into a school district that held biases towards me simply based on my inner city schooling. Ultimately I ended up as a teen parent my senior year of high school. That was my wake up call to get back to my dreams. However, reality plays a huge part and survival and self-sufficiency took precedence. I began college with an Associate’s Degree geared towards getting right to work. It wasn’t without its challenges and my GPA wasn’t what I desired. It was enough to lead me into a successful career in restaurant management.
Just as life started becoming stable, one of my children suffered a major medical incident that would once again redefine my life. She nearly died and I left my career to care for my children. After some time learning to work as a full time parent I decided that it was time to stop putting my dreams on hold. I returned to school to obtain my Bachelor’s degree as a first step to my legal career. I was now much more focused. Within two years I completed my degree despite a move to another state with the family. It was incredible challenging but I was determined. I still have a passion for learning and the law.
I am now ready to complete the final step in this educational journey to my law career. Due to circumstances with my daughter I am now more focused on the direction I would like to take with my future. I have eleven children and four of them have special needs, one of which was vaccine injured. That process taught me about a whole new side to the legal process and I have one thing that none of my attorneys had: personal experience and empathy. I would like to assist parents like myself to navigate the legal system as well as assist others with challenges in the school system, particularly when most have no idea of the process or their rights. Finally, I would pursue education in elder and trust law to help others better manage for the future.
Despite many adversities, I have fought to achieve success and complete a goal I made in high school. I hope to be an inspiration to others that you CAN overcome any obstacle and it is never too late to finish what you set out to do."

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