Personal Statement: Feedback much appreciated! Forum

[Anonymous User]

At 6:30 AM, I crawled into bed, bleary-eyed and mentally drained. I knew I had to sleep, but I feared what developments the day would bring. As a first-year resident advisor, I had grown accustomed to long nights coaching my residents through their social and academic challenges, but the events of the previous night and the weeks that led up to it had eroded my capacity to cope with calamity.

The root of my distress was that I was battling addiction – not my own, but a friend's, one of my resident's. I had returned from dinner to find her zigzagging through the hall at top speed, her green eyes engulfed by the black of her pupils and her utterances distorted. She boasted to anyone who would listen about the lines of cocaine, the stolen Vicodin, and the handle of vodka. Lying in bed after we returned from the hospital, I wondered if I should have seen this coming. I had spent countless hours counseling her and had recruited school health professionals to her cause, but I ached with guilt over the knowledge that I had sensed her getting worse, not better. I had failed to further engage the resources available to help her until it was almost too late.

From the first day I realized my resident had a substance abuse problem, drinking heavily on her own and sneaking off to smoke marijuana between classes, I faced a dilemma. I had to act – that was not a question – but I knew I had to approach the situation with care. My resident was very open with me about her use, which I took to mean that she trusted me and was reaching out for help. I was afraid to alienate her and also worried that going directly to Residence Life could lead to disciplinary consequences alone, without regard to her mental and physical health. I recognized that what the school might find in its best interest might conflict with the best interests of my resident. I struggled to find a solution that would balance the need to hold her accountable with the need to protect her health and her future. Failing that balanced solution, I sought to prioritize the latter.

I reached out to the school's counseling office to set up bi-weekly meetings for my resident, and did my best to get her back on track. I made sure she got to class and counseling, and did what I could to impose more structure in her life. I persuaded her friend group to assist her, as well, and grew weary as she attempted to manipulate all of us emotionally.

As my resident's situation declined, I underwent the universal experience of having a loved one with an addiction. I learned the conventional wisdom that helping someone with addiction could be like diving into the deep-end to save someone from drowning when you barely know how to swim, yourself. As much as I struggled that spring to keep my resident’s life in order, along with my own, my experience with her taught me that the issue of how to perceive and approach addiction, whether in a punitive or mental health context, is one that matters deeply to me. Whether in the field of public interest advocacy or criminal law, this is an issue that I would like to study and address in a professional setting.

Reflecting on the subject, it occurs to me that this inclination would come as no surprise to people who know me. My father was a public defender who played a key role in jump-starting Ferguson v. City of Charleston, which dealt with Fourth Amendment search questions, but was known locally as a civil rights case. My father was also an alcoholic for his entire adult life and his experimental drug use in school may have led to his contraction of HIV. I harbor no illusions about the dangers of the illegal drug trade, but I view regular drug use primarily as a health concern. I desire on a very personal level to do what I can to redirect the mindset of the public and the justice system in these cases, and to serve as an advocate for defendants’ health. This drive to advocate illustrates a primary reason why a legal education is the logical next step for me to take. A desire to serve others will carry me a long way, but only with legal instruction will I be best prepared to do the most good.