..... Forum

[pahoversten]

......

[BillPackets]

I think you can take out the stuff about capitalism and the juxtaposition of altruism viz a viz capitalism. It could be controversial. No need to talk about the assumptions behind an economic system.

I would also reduce the amount of times you say "articulable interest." It's redundant.

What if you started with the paragraph about what your principal said to you after you told him/her that you wanted to attend law school?

[pahoversten]

.....

[HRomanus]

The personal statement displays your character and abilities through an interesting narrative. It is not an academic paper, it is not a sermon, it is not a purpose statement. This is definitely not a personal statement, at least not one that fully serves its goal of showing the adcomms who you are. I would do a complete rewrite and likely would pick a different narrative to write about. If you really want to keep your conclusion, find a compelling story that shows your interest in education and educationa law.

[TLSanders]

There's a nugget of an interesting and somewhat unique personal philosophy in here, but it's lost in the social justice treatise. Despite the recitation of your beliefs and your professional experience, I see very little of you in this statement. And I can think of very few situations in which you'd want to use language like "direct and articulable interest" in a personal statement.

You've told us what drives you. Now, scrap all of the exposition on your philosophy and SHOW it to us. And, think about how what you've shown ties in to law school--not your reasons for wanting to go, but what you have to contribute to the academic environment and the profession.