My PS. Critique would be much appreciated. Forum

[Wright]

GPA 3.2
LSAT 151

500 words

Personal Statement

As a child, I thought to myself, “Why me?” I was born with a rare condition that caused complete blindness in my left eye and high muscle tone on the left side of my body, which basically means that my left side was much weaker than my right. Growing up in the very small town of South Fulton, Tennessee, I found it peculiar that I was the only child with any major defect. As I grew older, I realized that self-pity was not, and never would be, the solution to my problems. These physical hindrances were just additional obstacles that I had to conquer. Through hard work and dedication, I have overcome these disadvantages.

I began my undergraduate career as a biology major with hopes of attending pharmacy school. As many students do, I decided that my first major was not the best option for me. After my sophomore semester, I began taking political science and law classes. Since my university did not offer a pre-law major, I chose political science. This was probably the best choice that I made as an undergraduate. My GPA steadily increased each semester after the change in majors. Dr. Chris Baxter, the university’s advisor for prospective law students, was a great influence for all UTM students interested in the law, including myself. Dr. Baxter taught case briefing and the essentials of law school and even invited schools to speak at our campus.

My family always told me that I would make a great lawyer because I liked to argue. However, there is much more to being a lawyer than arguing. Lawyers must use legal precedents and logic in legal proceedings. Lawyers must also prepare extensively to pinpoint an argument’s details. Preparation is an area in which I excel, and I displayed this at the Tennessee Intercollegiate State Legislature’s moot court competition.

I have displayed some key characteristics of a law student and lawyer; moreover, practicing attorneys would concur with that statement. I participated in the TISL’s moot court competition at their 44th General Assembly. Many colleges throughout the state of Tennessee sent teams to argue a fictional appellate reverse discrimination case against one another. The jury, which was composed of practicing attorneys, praised my presentation. They noted that my roadmap to the case, use of legal precedents, delivery, and posture were superb. This competition instilled great insight on what it actually takes to be a successful law student. It displayed how vital preparation is in legal matters; this is an area in which I excel.

I know that my credentials are not incredibly impressive, but I can and will be a great law student and attorney. I have met and exceeded expectations my entire life. I see law school as another step on the ladder to success. Perseverance has carried me this far in life, and it shall continue to do so throughout law school. Hopefully, I will be able to conquer this step at the (insert school name).

[Hitchensian]

Add indents to paragraphs please.

[AntipodeanPhil]

In general, there's some interesting stuff here, and some definite potential. The two most interesting themes, which you should focus on, are (1) how you overcame your disability -- especially in terms of how it affected your view of yourself; and (2) your experience at the moot court competition, and what it taught you about yourself and the law. The main problems are that you need to put a lot more work into structuring sentences together into paragraphs, and you need to do more to explain the points you make.

In more detail:

The first paragraph is disjointed and too quick. You need to explain and connect the claims you make in each sentence. Also, the last sentence of the first paragraph violates the "show, don't tell" rule, and even if it didn't, it would be unnecessary at that point.

The second paragraph makes it sound like you randomly switched majors, only settling on political science because it was good for your GPA. You need to present substantive reasons for switching majors, ideally in a way that suggests why you will be suited to the study of the law. Also, the second paragraph again seems a bit disjointed. The sentences starting "Dr. Chris..." don't follow from or connect well with the sentences before that.

At the end of your third paragraph, you introduce the moot court competition. You then begin the fourth paragraph on a separate topic, but return to the moot court competition in the next sentence. Again, you need to really think carefully about how best to put together paragraphs. In this case, the third and fourth paragraphs should be combined, you should eliminate some repetition and redundancy, and then rewrite what remains so that the sentences are appropriately connected and the paragraph flows.

Your last paragraph is a waste -- it's far too general, it doesn't do anything besides telling them that you think you would be a good law student (they can reasonably assume you think that). Also, don't undermine your own application by criticizing your credentials.

[HRomanus]

[...]

EDIT: Deleted.

[CanadianWolf]

" My GPA steadily increased after my change in majors..." is a strong & convincing statement.

Change " I know that my credentials are not incredibly impressive..." to " Although my numbers are not impressive, I have met and exceeded expectations throughout my entire life."

[HRomanus]

[...]

EDIT: Deleted.

[CanadianWolf]

All law schools to which the OP applies will be aware of his LSAT score; many law schools accept students with 151 & lower LSAT scores.

To the above poster: OP asked for editorial advice on his/her PS; OP's personal accomplishments are impressive, in my opinion, but his/her numbers are not therefore I suggested the above changes.

[Wright]

Thanks for the feedback. That was my first draft and I'm reworking it now. I'm applying to Memphis, Belmont, and Ole Miss. I'd like to go to Memphis.