Would you be so kind as to review my personal statement? Forum

[Anonymous User]

When it comes to my future I always have considered myself lucky. I have friends who are nearing 30 and they still don't know what they truly want to do for a career. I, on the other hand, am lucky because I always known exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to be part of the legal field. Though my exact position in the legal field was something I only truly realized recently I have always had the conviction that a profession within the law was what I was meant to do.

I believe for most people when they think about the law they do it one of two ways. The more common way is to think about the specifics of law such as stopping at a stop sign because "it's the law" or paying taxes because "it's the law". The other way to look at law is to see it in a more abstract ideal when asking the bigger question of "how should we as human beings organize ourselves?" This second way to look at what law is I found myself thinking about at a rather young age through a personal story.

My father was a hard working man. I remember him leaving to go to work at 8 in the morning and then walking around the corner of the block we lived on promptly at 5:35 in the evening. The man never missed a day of work. Even when he suffered kidney failure in his early 30's he worked as a computer assisted draftsman 5 days a week and then sometimes on the weekend taking on extra projects and side-work. He instilled the value of working hard in myself. It was the value that if you wanted something you did not just "go" and get it, you "worked" for it. Laziness was a mortal sin to him. Relaxation was important in life, but you don't get time off unless you put time in.

During the year of 1998 his company was going through a financially hard time and because of the lack of income the company made a risky choice to stop paying the department that my father worked in. They even cut the health benefits that my family relied on without telling anyone before hand. Despite my young age and parent's attempt at secrecy in the situation I found that his department was given one of two choices. They could either work for money they would hopefully see in the future or be laid-off. I remember one night hearing my parents discuss the two options. My father, being the loyal and steadfast worker that he was, decided that the first option was the best so that is what he did. Later the question of a lawsuit came up. While some workers left and pursued it my father did not. He felt like it was biting the hand that was going to potentially feed. I remember asking him why he would not want to be part of this lawsuit. At my young age it seemed like a black and white issue that an employer should not do this to the workers because "it's the law". His reply to my question is vivid in my head to this day. He said the company promised to hold the lawsuit up in court so long that the workers would end up paying more than the wages they were promised in return. This was the point in my life where through a horrible situation I became lucky. I understood that if this could happen to my father, this could happen to anyone. That the law could be used to prevent justice rather than help justice flourish.

My father's story with his employer has inspired me in my core to become a lawyer so that I can advocate for people, which ultimately goes both ways. People who have might have been wronged deserve due recourse and people who might have committed a wrong deserve a fair trial. Becoming a lawyer gives me the opportunity to help shape the question of how we as a society should structure ourselves for the betterment of not just the here and now, but for the future as well.

Who someone truly becomes is not something that just happens to anyone, it is something that we all work to shape. During my time at college this became all too clear for me. Whether it was putting almost full time hours at a job all through college or putting more than full time hours into college, I worked for who and where I am now. I plan to continue carrying my father's value through my time at law school.

[HRomanus]

[...]

EDIT: Deleted.

[m079]

Not terrible but the writing needs to be tightened up. The most important skill necessary in law school and in your legal career is your writing abilities. Get rid of the typos. Look at each sentence individually and think about how it reads w/r/t sentence structure. For e.g.: "This second way to look at what law is I found myself thinking about at a rather young age through a personal story." At the very least, it should be: "I found myself thinking about the law in this second way at a rather young age through a personal story." But "rather young age" and "personal story"-- these are very vague words that lack any useful meaning.

Be accurate, precise, and intentional in your words. What exactly does being "part of the legal field" mean? Be more concise and meaningful in your statements.

The intro is weak and cliché. I think you should change it completely.

And avoid blanket statements (like "Becoming a lawyer gives me the opportunity to help shape the question of how we as a society should structure ourselves for the betterment of not just the here and now, but for the future as well.")

[grb3685]

Thanks for the feedback. Do you think I should just get rid of the first paragraph and use the second paragraph as my intro?

[mach9zero]

Personally, I'd find a different topic. This is a story about your father, not about you. And it happened at a young age, so I'm left unconvinced that it was was pushed to you work hard throughout your life, be it true or not. As an admissions reader, I would think there would have to be something stronger about yourself you could write about.

[HRomanus]

Personally, I'd find a different topic. This is a story about your father, not about you. And it happened at a young age, so I'm left unconvinced that it was was pushed to you work hard throughout your life, be it true or not. As an admissions reader, I would think there would have to be something stronger about yourself you could write about.

Agreed. In addition, "Why law" statements are very hard to pull off. Law schools - most law schools - don't want a purpose statement, they want to get to know who you are as a person and candidate. Obviously you want to go to law school: you're applying. An average applicant's conception of law is dramatically limited compared to even a 1L, much less the admissions committee. Don't waste valuable space on "the law" that could be spent on you.

Who are you? Don't tell me - show me through your actions. From this statement, you have... worked while attending college. Not even close to a good start. Draw upon your academic, extracurricular, or work experience. Find a concise narrative that reveals who you are through your actions. It doesn't have to be extraordinary, just let it be you.

[grb3685]

Thank you all so much for the feedback. It is all so helpful! I want to get into law school, not my dad wants to get into law school letter.