to comma or not to comma

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
BillsFan9907
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to comma or not to comma

Postby BillsFan9907 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 6:35 am

Which of the two looks best:

1) As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States with my family joining during vacations.

2) As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations.

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nothingtosee
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby nothingtosee » Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:18 am

Seoulless wrote:Which of the two looks best:

1) As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States with my family joining during vacations.

2) As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations.


2. He's not traveling with his family

politics89
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby politics89 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 10:26 am

These are both confusing. Make it two sentences. Something like this:

As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States. During vacations, my family would join him on the road.

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xylocarp
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby xylocarp » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:39 pm

I agree with the poster above. Both of your options are a bit more confusing than they need to be, and splitting it up makes more sense.

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jn7
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby jn7 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:42 pm

As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.

politics89
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby politics89 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:43 pm

jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


The second one is a MUCH more interesting story :)

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xylocarp
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby xylocarp » Wed Jan 29, 2014 2:49 pm

politics89 wrote:
jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


The second one is a MUCH more interesting story :)

Image

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jn7
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby jn7 » Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:54 pm

politics89 wrote:
jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


The second one is a MUCH more interesting story :)


Haha!! I didn't even realize I put that though I'm sure OP being an applicant to law school is smart enough not to copy and paste. That's good stuff

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Brettanomyces
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby Brettanomyces » Wed Jan 29, 2014 7:58 pm

I have nothing to contribute--only that I laughed so much, I almost went insane.

BillsFan9907
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby BillsFan9907 » Fri Jan 31, 2014 10:55 am

xylocarp wrote:
politics89 wrote:
jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


The second one is a MUCH more interesting story :)

Image


Jesus. This made the entire admissions cycle worth it for me! Funniest thing I've seen in a while. Thanks TLS!

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xylocarp
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby xylocarp » Fri Jan 31, 2014 12:12 pm

Seoulless wrote:
xylocarp wrote:
politics89 wrote:
jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


The second one is a MUCH more interesting story :)

Image


Jesus. This made the entire admissions cycle worth it for me! Funniest thing I've seen in a while. Thanks TLS!

Happy to be of service :mrgreen:

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Dingo Starr
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby Dingo Starr » Fri Jan 31, 2014 7:32 pm

jn7 wrote:My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.

This.
Also, #1 is poorly written and #2 does not use commas correctly.

aviatrixsteff
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Re: to comma or not to comma

Postby aviatrixsteff » Sat Feb 01, 2014 1:38 am

jn7 wrote:As a professional basketball player, my father traveled the United States, with my family joining during vacations -->

My father traveled the United States as a professional basketball with my family joining him during vacations.


URM to the max :D




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