PS- Please Critique (Thanks in advance)

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Anonymous User
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PS- Please Critique (Thanks in advance)

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Jan 27, 2014 10:30 pm

It was a typical humid and sunny Costa Rican day, my eyes moved from the wood plank in my lap to looking out of the window. I sat thinking about the phrase carved on the plank “don’t let the end overshadow the journey”. Just two hours earlier, I would not think to remember and reflect on the journeys I have taken and the future ones, but this plank provided new perspective from an unsuspecting person.

During a tour across Costa Rica with my eight grade classmates, we arrived at a town nearby the Montverde Cloud Forest. The young children greeted us as we stepped off the bus with cheers and eager to spend the day with us. Gathering in the town church for lunch, I sat at the table with a young boy named Juan, who aspired to be a geologist. Shortly after finishing the traditional meal, Juan and I proceeded outdoors to play in the soccer match that the others were playing.
With the sun starting to set, the match ended and everyone was said goodbye when Juan pulled me aside and handed me a present. I opened it, and there it was the wood plank that has changed my perspective. After the thank you, I boarded the pass and watched the children run after the bus as we drove down the dirt road.

The day came when I was able to hang my diploma on my wall next to the wood plank from Juan and it reminded me of the journey I just completed. The struggle of earning the respect of my peers and discovering myself. The journey through college was not easily navigated, and was far beyond what I had envisioned the college life to be, but nonetheless I overcame the struggles to provide myself with an experience that was more than I could have imagined.

Sacrificing spending time with friends during college was difficult, but what I learned about myself while juggling three different roles, student, president, and intern, made up the lost time and more. My first year was relatively easy in the sense that I was only having to juggle school work and adjusting to college life, but it was during my second year when I accepted an intern position, elected president of my fraternity, and of course being a student.

Friends and family told me that I was insane for taking on the presidency of a fraternity, and I must say they were right, it is not a job for the sane. Every day there was a new crisis that had to be dealt with immediately on top of having an exam and working five hours. This hectic year of my life showed me how to believe in myself, maintain my sanity, and perform at my best for all tasks. I quickly learned that I held the power to control the process, but not the outcome.

During my first crisis as president, I worked to control the outcome as I did not want a negative outcome, but learned that when I tried to control the outcome, the outcome became negative. This experience opened my eyes that I cannot dictate the outcomes of the events in my life, but rather I must learn to take myself down the most acceptable path that might lead to an outcome I liked. This newfound approach inspired me to shed my old ways of dodging responsibility and being shy to one that will take responsibility and friendly being.

I’m reminded to remember the journey when it comes to an end, and during college I explored that idea further by forgetting my old ways of trying to control the outcome, but now control the process, the journey. It isn’t the outcome in which I learned about myself, but it was during the journey that I learned the most.

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psychmusic
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Joined: Thu Jan 09, 2014 9:42 am

Re: PS- Please Critique (Thanks in advance)

Postby psychmusic » Thu Jan 30, 2014 12:08 pm

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Last edited by psychmusic on Fri Oct 17, 2014 10:07 am, edited 1 time in total.

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papercut
Posts: 1445
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Re: PS- Please Critique (Thanks in advance)

Postby papercut » Thu Jan 30, 2014 8:39 pm

I don't think a PS needs to be related to law at all. Straining to make connections to the law, or to why you want to go to law school will hurt you. You should only write a "law themed" PS if you have a compelling and relevant story. Most don't. A PS just about you is fine. The PS is meant to give the admissions committee a look into who you are as a person.

If you don't want to take it from me, have a look at what former dean of admissions at Chicago said about this.

I do think this is a poorly written PS though.

This is a horrible phrasing:

I worked to control the outcome as I did not want a negative outcome


You should invest in some books on writing. Try, On Writing Well and Writing Tools. The latter has exercises at end of each chapter. You need some serious practice before you sit down to attempt the real thing.




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