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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

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Postby Anonymous User » Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:10 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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retaking23
Posts: 453
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: Diversity Statement, any comments/criticism welcome

Postby retaking23 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 4:38 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I think it kinda ends abruptly, but I couldn't think of anything else to put afterwards, because I figured law schools don't want to hear why they need diverse perspectives. Thanks in advance!

I was always taught to view the world from an international perspective. My father was
born in London to Indian parents, grew up in Ghana, and then moved to Canada, where he
attended medical school. My mother was born and raised in Kenya to Kenyan-Indian parents, and
then also moved to Canada for medical school. The confluence of cultures brought into our
family’s household had a large impact on the way that I grew up. Whether it was my father
cooking traditional Ghanaian “Fufu” or my grandparents recounting tales from Hindu or Sikh
folklore, my family raised me to see the world as a borderless entity, where all cultures and
practices could be equally relevant no matter where one was. My desire to experience all cultures,
rather than just those immediately accessible to me, grew from this international perspective;
therefore, I have strived to receive an international education.

Through my work in Latin America and studies in Europe, I ensured that my education
was not limited to my geographic vicinity. As a part of Alabama Action Abroad, I was given the
opportunity to teach English in Costa Rica and work with AIDS awareness programs in Belize.
Working in these countries allowed me to fully immerse myself within the local cultures,
assimilating local philosophies into my own worldview. In Costa Rica, for example, the culture of
the Talamanca region (where I worked) involves a very close relationship with nature, which led
us to prepare many of our meals using ingredients gathered from plants growing naturally in the
area. The sense of community that this instilled within our group inspired us to incorporate this
practice into other Alabama Action Abroad programs in the following year. Combining these
experiences with those gained from studying abroad in both Germany and the United Kingdom
has given me a diversity of perspectives that could benefit the XXX School community.


Very strong diversity statement. There is one glaringly issue though and it is bolded, underlined, and italicized. Do not use this word in a positive context for a diversity statement. Something like "integrating" is much more safe and equally effective.

sd26
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:27 pm

Re: Diversity Statement, any comments/criticism welcome

Postby sd26 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 5:34 pm

retaking23 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I think it kinda ends abruptly, but I couldn't think of anything else to put afterwards, because I figured law schools don't want to hear why they need diverse perspectives. Thanks in advance!

I was always taught to view the world from an international perspective. My father was
born in London to Indian parents, grew up in Ghana, and then moved to Canada, where he
attended medical school. My mother was born and raised in Kenya to Kenyan-Indian parents, and
then also moved to Canada for medical school. The confluence of cultures brought into our
family’s household had a large impact on the way that I grew up. Whether it was my father
cooking traditional Ghanaian “Fufu” or my grandparents recounting tales from Hindu or Sikh
folklore, my family raised me to see the world as a borderless entity, where all cultures and
practices could be equally relevant no matter where one was. My desire to experience all cultures,
rather than just those immediately accessible to me, grew from this international perspective;
therefore, I have strived to receive an international education.

Through my work in Latin America and studies in Europe, I ensured that my education
was not limited to my geographic vicinity. As a part of Alabama Action Abroad, I was given the
opportunity to teach English in Costa Rica and work with AIDS awareness programs in Belize.
Working in these countries allowed me to fully immerse myself within the local cultures,
assimilating local philosophies into my own worldview. In Costa Rica, for example, the culture of
the Talamanca region (where I worked) involves a very close relationship with nature, which led
us to prepare many of our meals using ingredients gathered from plants growing naturally in the
area. The sense of community that this instilled within our group inspired us to incorporate this
practice into other Alabama Action Abroad programs in the following year. Combining these
experiences with those gained from studying abroad in both Germany and the United Kingdom
has given me a diversity of perspectives that could benefit the XXX School community.


Very strong diversity statement. There is one glaringly issue though and it is bolded, underlined, and italicized. Do not use this word in a positive context for a diversity statement. Something like "integrating" is much more safe and equally effective.


Shoot, good point. Do you think using that word looks that bad? I mean, the actual definition works just fine and it's pretty clear that it is being used in a positive sense.
I've already sent in some applications, with the previous statement included, do you think it's bad enough to warrant sending an update?

User avatar
retaking23
Posts: 453
Joined: Thu Nov 01, 2012 10:34 pm

Re: Diversity Statement, any comments/criticism welcome

Postby retaking23 » Thu Jan 16, 2014 6:22 pm

sd26 wrote:
retaking23 wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:I think it kinda ends abruptly, but I couldn't think of anything else to put afterwards, because I figured law schools don't want to hear why they need diverse perspectives. Thanks in advance!

I was always taught to view the world from an international perspective. My father was
born in London to Indian parents, grew up in Ghana, and then moved to Canada, where he
attended medical school. My mother was born and raised in Kenya to Kenyan-Indian parents, and
then also moved to Canada for medical school. The confluence of cultures brought into our
family’s household had a large impact on the way that I grew up. Whether it was my father
cooking traditional Ghanaian “Fufu” or my grandparents recounting tales from Hindu or Sikh
folklore, my family raised me to see the world as a borderless entity, where all cultures and
practices could be equally relevant no matter where one was. My desire to experience all cultures,
rather than just those immediately accessible to me, grew from this international perspective;
therefore, I have strived to receive an international education.

Through my work in Latin America and studies in Europe, I ensured that my education
was not limited to my geographic vicinity. As a part of Alabama Action Abroad, I was given the
opportunity to teach English in Costa Rica and work with AIDS awareness programs in Belize.
Working in these countries allowed me to fully immerse myself within the local cultures,
assimilating local philosophies into my own worldview. In Costa Rica, for example, the culture of
the Talamanca region (where I worked) involves a very close relationship with nature, which led
us to prepare many of our meals using ingredients gathered from plants growing naturally in the
area. The sense of community that this instilled within our group inspired us to incorporate this
practice into other Alabama Action Abroad programs in the following year. Combining these
experiences with those gained from studying abroad in both Germany and the United Kingdom
has given me a diversity of perspectives that could benefit the XXX School community.


Very strong diversity statement. There is one glaringly issue though and it is bolded, underlined, and italicized. Do not use this word in a positive context for a diversity statement. Something like "integrating" is much more safe and equally effective.


Shoot, good point. Do you think using that word looks that bad? I mean, the actual definition works just fine and it's pretty clear that it is being used in a positive sense.
I've already sent in some applications, with the previous statement included, do you think it's bad enough to warrant sending an update?


It's not a defeating issue, so I wouldn't worry about sending an update. But definitely change that for the schools you still have to apply to.

winterorange
Posts: 93
Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:38 am

Re: Diversity Statement, any comments/criticism welcome

Postby winterorange » Fri Jan 17, 2014 4:32 am

Hey! Alabama Action! :)

It does end a bit abruptly; I would consider adding perhaps a general sentence or two about how your worldview has changed as a result of these experiences. You rattle off a list of places you've been, but you expect the reader to do the work for you in imagining how these diverse experiences have affected you. No person is going to come away with the same exact ideas you did, so saying you've been abroad without explaining how it's changed you won't give the reader a good sense of the diversity you promise to bring to the law school.

It's entirely possible, for example, for someone to go to a bunch of different countries but stay in areas that cater to them, without going out of their comfort zone much. You'll want to demonstrate that you didn't. Perhaps incorporate these changes into how/what you plan to do in law school, etc. Although that might make it too long; food for thought.

Edit: to elaborate. The Costa Rica example was very good, but it only revealed what seems to be a cursory experience--one that you thought was enjoyable and interesting, but you don't talk about any lasting impact on your personal development. Did it inspire you to look into food and environmental justice? Issues like access to food--food deserts, staple foods of people in developing countries that suddenly become too expensive to eat because Western society is going through a phase with it? If not, then I would add in a different experience--one that gave you something that you will remember/incorporate into your thinking for a long time. Good luck!




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