Please critique my PS about engineering- deleted

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Please critique my PS about engineering- deleted

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:12 pm

Deleted.

Thank you guys for your help. I took the advice and elaborated the transition.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Jan 15, 2014 2:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

lawschool2014hopeful
Posts: 554
Joined: Mon Oct 25, 2010 8:48 pm

Re: Please critique my PS about engineering.

Postby lawschool2014hopeful » Wed Jan 15, 2014 12:06 pm

OP,

Cool project,

But I have no idea what you are trying to establish with this personal statement?

Perseverance? Creativity? Interest in law?

Try to figure out the main points you want to covey first then perhaps we can help

Autopilot
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:01 pm

Re: Please critique my PS about engineering.

Postby Autopilot » Wed Jan 15, 2014 1:05 pm

That's a good point.

Most law school PS prompts are something like:
"Tell us about your unique experience that made who you are"

So I wrote about my unique experience--about what I did to help the team, and how I was impacted by it.

And while I was telling the story, I was trying to incorporate these.

• Intellectual Excellence
• Tangible Impact on Individuals or Groups
• Good Leadership Skills
• Pro-Active Starter Skills
• Real World Experience
• Ability to See Multiple Perspectives on Issues
• Attributes that Make the Applicant Unique

I guess my main point is: I have all these qualities that make a good potential law student, and I am interested in law, so consider my admission.

But, I was trying to have the reader connect the dots and make the conclusion for themselves.

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jlk411
Posts: 185
Joined: Mon Dec 30, 2013 6:52 pm

Re: Please critique my PS about engineering.

Postby jlk411 » Wed Jan 15, 2014 1:21 pm

i would develop the part about your fears and that translating into your interest in law and how you can assist with regulation. it just seems like the beginning is going strong and everything is good and then you just sort of leap into the part about your fears. maybe a little more of a transition... but your writing is great!

mx23250
Posts: 638
Joined: Mon May 20, 2013 3:44 pm

Re: Please critique my PS about engineering.

Postby mx23250 » Wed Jan 15, 2014 1:22 pm

Awesome PS! I agree with the other posts though. You could increase the impact by answering a question like "what past experiences lead you to apply to law school" or "why do you want to enter the legal profession?". A lot of law schools specifically ask (or strongly suggest) you address those questions in your PS. You're very close, but I'd recommend further expanding on WHY you want to transition from working in R&D into becoming an attorney (i assume patent attorney?). This would greatly strengthen your PS in my opinion. I come from a similar background and wrote a similar PS but almost 1/3 of mine focused on my transition into the field of intellectual property and why I want to go to law school. Good luck!

Autopilot
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Jan 14, 2014 1:01 pm

Re: Please critique my PS about engineering.

Postby Autopilot » Wed Jan 15, 2014 1:38 pm

Thank you guys for your help.

I also see the need to elaborate more on the transition,
but I already hit the two page limit, so I need to cut out some unnecessary engineering part.

I tried, but I think I need a fresh pair of eyes to spot them.

If you guys see some parts that doesn't have to be there please tell me.

Thank you.




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