Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Jan 11, 2014 6:20 pm

Starting from scratch. Thanks for the feedback. May upload a new one tomorrow.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Jan 12, 2014 2:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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PourMeTea
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Post removed.

Postby PourMeTea » Sat Jan 11, 2014 9:29 pm

Post removed.
Last edited by PourMeTea on Fri May 08, 2015 12:12 am, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Jan 11, 2014 11:48 pm

OP here - I had a feeling someone might say that. I'm not sure how I feel about it anymore.
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Jan 12, 2014 7:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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sherealcool
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Re: Very rough start to a PS - please critique/share thoughts!

Postby sherealcool » Sun Jan 12, 2014 12:29 am

I don't like this at all. The "gotcha" moment at the end is really emotionally manipulative. Law schools don't like that kind of thing - they want the straight shit. If you want to talk about your grandfather, talk about him in a straightforward way.

That mentioned, I wouldn't open with a story about another person...this statement is ultimately about you, not your grandfather. Do you really want to spend a whole paragraph describing another person?

Start from scratch, mate.




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