Tear It To Pieces, Please.

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Anonymous User
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Tear It To Pieces, Please.

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:36 pm

It's only about a page and a half long right now in twelve point font, so it's got some wiggle room for length. I realized some things need to be clarified and given a little more detail, but I've stared at this thing so much I just fucking can't. Go to town on it.

Personal Statement

Don’t Fence Me In

I’ve built a lot of fences in my life. Wire fences, Kentucky fences, vinyl fences… all at the expense of my back. I built a barbed wire fence in one hundred eighteen degree weather when I was fifteen. I remember at the time thinking that building a fence in the heat of an Oklahoma summer was the absolute worst way to spend an afternoon.

Four years later, after my abysmal performance my freshman year of college, I found out the worst way to spend an afternoon. I spent this particular day building a Kentucky fence composed of railroad ties and rough sawn planks. I was standing in snow over my ankles, and the wind was blowing snow into my face. Every part of me was frozen. I was being paid fifty dollars a day, regardless of what I did or how many hours I put in. There was no worker’s compensation. There were no paychecks, just cash under the table. There was no respect for me, for my intelligence, or for my abilities. There was only me, and this fence, and the snow.

I picked up a railroad tie, a feat unimaginable for most nineteen year old girls, and began walking towards the hole it was to stand in. Under the snow, there was a prairie dog hole. I remember as my toe went in thinking I would die. I fell backwards, all two hundred plus pounds of the railroad tie landing squarely on my chest. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t think, I couldn’t even scream.

I had taken this job as a break. The stress of my first year of college had nearly fried my nerves. I went to school full time, worked full time, and continued to care for my horse. It was simply too much, and instead of risking a nervous break down, I decided to take a year off of school to work a little and figure out my life. A job on a ranch seemed ideal. My lifestyle had been completely centered around horses and the outdoors before starting college. The job turned out to be the farthest thing from a break I have ever encountered. I worked nearly every day, going months without a day off. I worked in extreme conditions, endangering myself on a daily basis.

Lying under the railroad tie, it all came into focus. Unless I wanted to spend the rest of my life working ranches, my only skill set, I was going to have to get a lot more serious about my education. After the muscle tear in my chest and my wrenched knee healed, I changed my mindset completely. Today, as I am writing these words, I am grateful for the experience I had that afternoon. It made me realize that I couldn’t let my irresponsible and idiotic decisions fence me in. I was worth more than that.

The next three months were an absolute whirlwind. I had considered studying law, having been told by father, employers and teachers on a number of occasions (and often spitefully), “You should be a lawyer.” I decided to transfer to a more reputable university. I researched law schools and the admissions process voraciously. I kicked myself into high gear academically. If I wanted into law school, I needed to do much better than I previously had in college. I spent three years with my nose to the grindstone, determined to realize my dream and be admitted to XXX Law School. I aced my classes, worked hard to find jobs that would provide me with valuable experiences and relationships, and never forgot the fences.

I didn’t want to build fences anymore, I wanted to knock them down. I wanted to knock down the fence around my mother, the one she built of old wounds from abusive husbands, the stress of raising me and my brothers and working three jobs to do it, the fence I built around myself and my heart due to my biological father abandoning me before he even knew me, the fence my attention deficit disorder built between me and academic success, and the fence between me and a prestigious law school and successful career in law.

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Dr. Review
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Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:51 am

Re: Tear It To Pieces, Please.

Postby Dr. Review » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:51 pm

This reads like a thinly veiled attempt at turning your personal statement into a GPA addendum. Focus more on the life changing event and how focused you became, less on how badly you were doing before.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Tear It To Pieces, Please.

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:56 pm

It kind of is a thinly veiled attempt at a GPA addendum... so maybe just a sprinkling of that and more focus on the outcome, like you said. My GPA is not so bad that I actually need an addendum, but I have a significant upward grade trend after my freshman year that could speak for itself.

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Dr. Review
Posts: 1797
Joined: Sat Jan 30, 2010 1:51 am

Re: Tear It To Pieces, Please.

Postby Dr. Review » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:59 pm

Anonymous User wrote:It kind of is a thinly veiled attempt at a GPA addendum... so maybe just a sprinkling of that and more focus on the outcome, like you said. My GPA is not so bad that I actually need an addendum, but I have a significant upward grade trend after my freshman year that could speak for itself.

Feel free to make any changes and either bump the thread or PM me, and I will take another look at it.




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