Did I screw myself over here?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )

Did I screw myself over?

Yes
19
61%
No
12
39%
 
Total votes: 31

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Nonconsecutive
Posts: 2249
Joined: Thu Sep 27, 2012 4:58 pm

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby Nonconsecutive » Thu Jan 09, 2014 3:44 pm

Anonymous User wrote:So, the advice seems to culminate in: my OTHER softs are solid, my stats are solid, so while the PS won't work miracles, it probably won't sink the entire application.

Now, the real question is: If/When I get WL by the rest of the T14, will a solid, serious LoCI repair the damage this has done?

EDIT: In at GULC.


I would agree that I don't think this PS is going to "sink" you, just consider it a lost opportunity. I agree with PourMeTea that it is well written, which in some ways makes it even more difficult to understand what you were going for. If everything else is as strong as you claim I don't think this will have ended your cycle, which was made obvious by the GULC acceptance. Congrats on that! :)

Anonymous User
Posts: 273598
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Jan 09, 2014 4:45 pm

Also, signed up for a February re-take to throw into a LoCI.

User avatar
PourMeTea
Posts: 6508
Joined: Sun Jun 17, 2012 8:32 am

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby PourMeTea » Fri Mar 21, 2014 8:30 pm

bump

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encore1101
Posts: 642
Joined: Tue Oct 22, 2013 10:13 am

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby encore1101 » Fri Mar 21, 2014 8:47 pm

Gooner91 wrote:Its like you are saying you overcame adversity by killing the lich king in warcraft



only if it was pre-nerf

User avatar
papercut
Posts: 1445
Joined: Sat Dec 01, 2012 6:48 pm

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby papercut » Sun Mar 23, 2014 11:04 pm

Let's see...

Any of the twenty faces on this die could send the party off in a completely unanticipated direction.


This is a bit confusing. If there are 20 options, why are they all unanticipated?

not all of my plans will executed as expected.


Grammar error.

It seems like you're playing a game and being overly dramatic. Your writing should be understated.

I had spent months planning this game. Eighteen characters’ backgrounds and statistics, seven kingdoms and their histories, twenty two cities and their governments, and three deities and their tenets waited in clearly delineated folders on my desktop. These folders represented months of research into the history of seventh century Britain: its politics, religion, and people. Stitched with meticulous story development and a thorough knowledge of my group’s playing style, these facts were now the blanket rules of my fictional post-Camelot world. The carefully selected and memorized Pathfinder system of game rules provided the backing to my now-complete patchwork adventure.


In general, it's a bad idea to load up on jargon. What da hell is a "post-Camelot" world?

Honestly, I was probably less nervous about the result of my next roll than were the rest of the people at the table. One bad result from the dice could produce a failed negotiation, botched espionage, or death for the characters of the three middle-aged men in my weekly gaming group.


There's no reason to ever write "honestly." The reader assumes you're not lying. Also softening your logical force with words like "probably" just clutters up your writing.

Only through meticulously planning details, carefully judging the dynamic of my group, and constantly thinking on my feet was I able to successfully lead a role-playing game. I thrive in immersive, extensively scholarly realms. Only through months of preparation and in-depth study could I have known exactly how my carefully crafted world would interact with the characters, whether I was fighting as a giant water goddess or negotiating as a back-stabbing monk. My passion has always been finding and understanding the laws in a system, real-life or fantastical, that allow it to function. For this reason, and so many more, I cannot wait to start my legal career at XYZ LAW SCHOOL.


This is how a lot of people screw up their PSs. You're making an unconvincing pivot to a "Why Law" PS, and mentioning the law school as an afterthought is worse than not mentioning it at all.

It's a mediocre PS. You took a risk with the topic, and it didn't work. You have a grammar error (at least I spotted one).

I've seen much worse writing, but I'd say this is okay. Not great.

It's a really bad idea to write a Why Law PS unless you have a lot of supporting evidence in your resume for your interest in the law.

Can we see your DS?

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A. Nony Mouse
Posts: 22892
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: Did I screw myself over here?

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sun Mar 23, 2014 11:06 pm

There was really no need for this post to be bumped.




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