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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
sd26
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:27 pm

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Postby sd26 » Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:15 pm

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Last edited by sd26 on Wed Feb 05, 2014 5:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

Re: Anyone want to critique my personal statement?

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Jan 04, 2014 4:39 pm

I like your discussion about your Tourette's as a foundation for your statement.

What I don't like about it is that it quickly spirals into a re-hashing of your resume/transcript and there's no discernible transition from how Tourette's presented itself as an obstacle and how that applies to you wanting to practice law. Now, I don't necessarily think a PS has to answer the "Why Law" question that a lot of people insist on, but I do think that the discussion needs to tie in to the thesis of your statement. You then go on to write a paragraph about "Why Columbia," which further detaches the reader from getting to know you, which is, after all, the goal of the PS.

My advice is this: pick a moment when your Tourette's Syndrome was at its climax insofar as it became a huge hurdle for you. Put us in that moment by showing, not telling, and then use that as a transition to how you overcame it. Tie that into an overarching thesis of how surmounting your condition makes you a stronger person, a great law school candidate, etc., but stay focused on one primary concern. Right now you just have fragmented pieces of different essays.

Good luck!

sd26
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Jan 03, 2014 5:27 pm

Re: Anyone want to critique my personal statement?

Postby sd26 » Sat Jan 04, 2014 5:00 pm

inlovewithpiper wrote:I like your discussion about your Tourette's as a foundation for your statement.

What I don't like about it is that it quickly spirals into a re-hashing of your resume/transcript and there's no discernible transition from how Tourette's presented itself as an obstacle and how that applies to you wanting to practice law. Now, I don't necessarily think a PS has to answer the "Why Law" question that a lot of people insist on, but I do think that the discussion needs to tie in to the thesis of your statement. You then go on to write a paragraph about "Why Columbia," which further detaches the reader from getting to know you, which is, after all, the goal of the PS.

My advice is this: pick a moment when your Tourette's Syndrome was at its climax insofar as it became a huge hurdle for you. Put us in that moment by showing, not telling, and then use that as a transition to how you overcame it. Tie that into an overarching thesis of how surmounting your condition makes you a stronger person, a great law school candidate, etc., but stay focused on one primary concern. Right now you just have fragmented pieces of different essays.

Good luck!


Thanks for the help!. What I wanted to do is show how having tourette's led me to study a lot more advanced stuff in econ which led me to want to study law. I was kinda going for a progression of sorts, but looking back over it, i can see how it seems like a lot of different stuff stuck together.




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