A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

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Anonymous User
Posts: 273203
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:23 am

My writing process has always been to just sit down and type whatever came to mind, walk away, and then come back and pick the thought I liked most to expand upon. Here is the beginning of that. Please Note: this is not my personal statement but rather a bunch of thoughts spontaneously typed.

Please let me know what is garbage, what I should expand on, what sounds too whiny, etc.


I’ve always been told that the correct answers in life will continuously present themselves. Whether that by choice or something subconscious, you’ll always go back to the things and places that you want. Thorough out my life, I have continuously weighed every option and changed my mind several times but I always just think about the law and becoming a lawyer. With each endeavor, I get obsessed with the legalities behind it. I find myself checking up on cases that I saw month earlier on the news, just to see what ended up happening. I’ve always been the type of person to ask questions and with life I’ve found myself constantly asking about the legal side of things.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and on top of that go on to pursue an advanced degree. My family, and more specifically my parents, often talk about me as the one who was driven to push himself further. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are smart and successful entrepreneurs, but in our family college was something that other people did.

I remember the first time I told my mom that I wanted to go to college; I expected her to tell me how expensive it was and how we could not afford it but instead she cried. My mom went on to explain that the reason that they started a business is out of necessity, she started a business because she wanted something better but didn’t have any real skills. She told me that she didn’t want that life for me, she wanted me to grow up and be successful.

daryldixon
Posts: 233
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:55 am

Re: A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby daryldixon » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:26 am

Anonymous User wrote:My writing process has always been to just sit down and type whatever came to mind, walk away, and then come back and pick the thought I liked most to expand upon. Here is the beginning of that. Please Note: this is not my personal statement but rather a bunch of thoughts spontaneously typed.

Please let me know what is garbage, what I should expand on, what sounds too whiny, etc.


I’ve always been told that the correct answers in life will continuously present themselves. Whether that by choice or something subconscious, you’ll always go back to the things and places that you want. Thorough out my life, I have continuously weighed every option and changed my mind several times but I always just think about the law and becoming a lawyer. With each endeavor, I get obsessed with the legalities behind it. I find myself checking up on cases that I saw month earlier on the news, just to see what ended up happening. I’ve always been the type of person to ask questions and with life I’ve found myself constantly asking about the legal side of things.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and on top of that go on to pursue an advanced degree. My family, and more specifically my parents, often talk about me as the one who was driven to push himself further. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are smart and successful entrepreneurs, but in our family college was something that other people did.

I remember the first time I told my mom that I wanted to go to college; I expected her to tell me how expensive it was and how we could not afford it but instead she cried. My mom went on to explain that the reason that they started a business is out of necessity, she started a business because she wanted something better but didn’t have any real skills. She told me that she didn’t want that life for me, she wanted me to grow up and be successful.


This is not a personal statement. This is like a collection of cheesy one-liners about your life. I probably would not include 90% of this in a real PS.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273203
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:40 am

daryldixon wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My writing process has always been to just sit down and type whatever came to mind, walk away, and then come back and pick the thought I liked most to expand upon. Here is the beginning of that. Please Note: this is not my personal statement but rather a bunch of thoughts spontaneously typed.

Please let me know what is garbage, what I should expand on, what sounds too whiny, etc.


I’ve always been told that the correct answers in life will continuously present themselves. Whether that by choice or something subconscious, you’ll always go back to the things and places that you want. Thorough out my life, I have continuously weighed every option and changed my mind several times but I always just think about the law and becoming a lawyer. With each endeavor, I get obsessed with the legalities behind it. I find myself checking up on cases that I saw month earlier on the news, just to see what ended up happening. I’ve always been the type of person to ask questions and with life I’ve found myself constantly asking about the legal side of things.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and on top of that go on to pursue an advanced degree. My family, and more specifically my parents, often talk about me as the one who was driven to push himself further. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are smart and successful entrepreneurs, but in our family college was something that other people did.

I remember the first time I told my mom that I wanted to go to college; I expected her to tell me how expensive it was and how we could not afford it but instead she cried. My mom went on to explain that the reason that they started a business is out of necessity, she started a business because she wanted something better but didn’t have any real skills. She told me that she didn’t want that life for me, she wanted me to grow up and be successful.


This is not a personal statement. This is like a collection of cheesy one-liners about your life. I probably would not include 90% of this in a real PS.


Did you not read the top where it said it wasn't a personal statement but rather all separate topics and thoughts that I was looking to expand upon

daryldixon
Posts: 233
Joined: Sun Oct 27, 2013 3:55 am

Re: A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby daryldixon » Fri Jan 03, 2014 12:44 am

Anonymous User wrote:
daryldixon wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My writing process has always been to just sit down and type whatever came to mind, walk away, and then come back and pick the thought I liked most to expand upon. Here is the beginning of that. Please Note: this is not my personal statement but rather a bunch of thoughts spontaneously typed.

Please let me know what is garbage, what I should expand on, what sounds too whiny, etc.


I’ve always been told that the correct answers in life will continuously present themselves. Whether that by choice or something subconscious, you’ll always go back to the things and places that you want. Thorough out my life, I have continuously weighed every option and changed my mind several times but I always just think about the law and becoming a lawyer. With each endeavor, I get obsessed with the legalities behind it. I find myself checking up on cases that I saw month earlier on the news, just to see what ended up happening. I’ve always been the type of person to ask questions and with life I’ve found myself constantly asking about the legal side of things.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and on top of that go on to pursue an advanced degree. My family, and more specifically my parents, often talk about me as the one who was driven to push himself further. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are smart and successful entrepreneurs, but in our family college was something that other people did.

I remember the first time I told my mom that I wanted to go to college; I expected her to tell me how expensive it was and how we could not afford it but instead she cried. My mom went on to explain that the reason that they started a business is out of necessity, she started a business because she wanted something better but didn’t have any real skills. She told me that she didn’t want that life for me, she wanted me to grow up and be successful.


This is not a personal statement. This is like a collection of cheesy one-liners about your life. I probably would not include 90% of this in a real PS.


Did you not read the top where it said it wasn't a personal statement but rather all separate topics and thoughts that I was looking to expand upon

Yes but is the goal to turn it into a personal statement? You need to pick a concrete theme or topic before anyone can give you advice about if you can use any of this.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273203
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Jan 03, 2014 3:18 pm

daryldixon wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:
daryldixon wrote:
Anonymous User wrote:My writing process has always been to just sit down and type whatever came to mind, walk away, and then come back and pick the thought I liked most to expand upon. Here is the beginning of that. Please Note: this is not my personal statement but rather a bunch of thoughts spontaneously typed.

Please let me know what is garbage, what I should expand on, what sounds too whiny, etc.


I’ve always been told that the correct answers in life will continuously present themselves. Whether that by choice or something subconscious, you’ll always go back to the things and places that you want. Thorough out my life, I have continuously weighed every option and changed my mind several times but I always just think about the law and becoming a lawyer. With each endeavor, I get obsessed with the legalities behind it. I find myself checking up on cases that I saw month earlier on the news, just to see what ended up happening. I’ve always been the type of person to ask questions and with life I’ve found myself constantly asking about the legal side of things.

Growing up, my family didn’t have a lot of money. I will be the first person in my family to graduate from college and on top of that go on to pursue an advanced degree. My family, and more specifically my parents, often talk about me as the one who was driven to push himself further. Don’t get me wrong, my parents are smart and successful entrepreneurs, but in our family college was something that other people did.

I remember the first time I told my mom that I wanted to go to college; I expected her to tell me how expensive it was and how we could not afford it but instead she cried. My mom went on to explain that the reason that they started a business is out of necessity, she started a business because she wanted something better but didn’t have any real skills. She told me that she didn’t want that life for me, she wanted me to grow up and be successful.


This is not a personal statement. This is like a collection of cheesy one-liners about your life. I probably would not include 90% of this in a real PS.


Did you not read the top where it said it wasn't a personal statement but rather all separate topics and thoughts that I was looking to expand upon

Yes but is the goal to turn it into a personal statement? You need to pick a concrete theme or topic before anyone can give you advice about if you can use any of this.

Didn't plan to include everything....

I was more looking for something along the lines of "expand more on topic X and throw out the rest" but I get the hint. Back to the drawing board and I'll be back with a complete personal statement for review

Pancakes12
Posts: 269
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 10:13 am

Re: A rambling of personal statement ideas (rip it apart)

Postby Pancakes12 » Fri Jan 03, 2014 3:30 pm

I don't really like any of these three ideas. In he first you talk about how much you love the law, which usually isn't a good idea. The other two have more potential, as you focus on an aspect of you that could display good qualities about yourself. But your writing style is more "telling" than it is "showing". Maybe focus on one interesting anecdote that will draw in the reader that revolves are your poorer upbringing.




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