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(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

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Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:27 pm

--Removed by author for editing and revision based on comments--

Thanks to everyone who helped and if you want to read it for whatever reason, PM me. Mods, you can make this thread disappear.
Last edited by inlovewithpiper on Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:17 am, edited 3 times in total.

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SonlenNightfall
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby SonlenNightfall » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:34 pm

This personal statement is awesome. Any admissions committee member that came across this would find it a welcome relief from the usual statement. Now just hurry up and submit everything! Good luck.

inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:37 pm

SonlenNightfall wrote:This personal statement is awesome. Any admissions committee member that came across this would find it a welcome relief from the usual statement. Now just hurry up and submit everything! Good luck.


Thank you! (I would be lying if I said I wasn't nervously biting my nails waiting for the first response--people on this forum can be a bit mean sometimes.)

Daily_Double
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby Daily_Double » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:47 pm

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Last edited by Daily_Double on Fri Dec 27, 2013 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

workaholic82
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby workaholic82 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:49 pm

Sorry for your loss, and well done. Below are a few minor criticisms:

"Put down the phone that WAS I..." should be "I was." Overall, refreshing. One weakness as I see it: Might convey slight naivete wrt what the practice of law is about. I don't think it's really reflective of your understanding, but the ending seems to reflect the stereotyped view that practicing law is similar to law enforcement, or is romanticized like crime fighting. Aside from that, very good. was interested all the way through. And this is just my opinion.

inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:54 pm

workaholic82 wrote:Sorry for your loss, and well done. Below are a few minor criticisms:

"Put down the phone that WAS I..." should be "I was." Overall, refreshing. One weakness as I see it: Might convey slight naivete wrt what the practice of law is about. I don't think it's really reflective of your understanding, but the ending seems to reflect the stereotyped view that practicing law is similar to law enforcement, or is romanticized like crime fighting. Aside from that, very good. was interested all the way through. And this is just my opinion.


Great catch on those transposed words! I can't believe that made it through my rigorous editing process.

To the extent that the ending showcases a naive view of being a lawyer, I agree with you. But, my goal is that the reader will view it as a connection back to the childhood story and my "first inspiration" for a life leading to law school and not as a reflection of my current view of the same.

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CardozoLaw09
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby CardozoLaw09 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:56 pm

Amazing. Best PS I've ever read. Good work!

workaholic82
Posts: 223
Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:29 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby workaholic82 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 9:58 pm

Hehe, np. I submitted a few addenda with typos, and I thought I'd try to spare you that pain... You may be right, but it just depends on who the person doing the reading is. Some may be looking for flaws, others won't be. I was looking for problems, and it's not a big one, just a potential bone to pick.

Edit: It definitely does connect back, but the question is how good of an analog is it? I am a 0L, but as an analog it appears to somewhat romanticize what practicing law might be like in reality, which could be a potential red flag. As everyone else is saying though, that's a minor qualm, overall very good.

inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:06 pm

workaholic82 wrote:Hehe, np. I submitted a few addenda with typos, and I thought I'd try to spare you that pain... You may be right, but it just depends on who the person doing the reading is. Some may be looking for flaws, others won't be. I was looking for problems, and it's not a big one, just a potential bone to pick.

Edit: It definitely does connect back, but the question is how good of an analog is it? I am a 0L, but as an analog it appears to somewhat romanticize what practicing law might be like in reality, which could be a potential red flag. As everyone else is saying though, that's a minor qualm, overall very good.


You make a great point and that is exactly why I decided to post this here. Any and all suggestions I can get before hitting 'submit' are very helpful, whether they be from 0Ls or from attorneys with 30 years of experience. Thanks, again!

workaholic82
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Joined: Wed Feb 27, 2013 11:29 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby workaholic82 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:10 pm

Np, glad to help :)

NanaP
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby NanaP » Sat Dec 21, 2013 10:51 pm

Definitely refreshing from all the other crap PS people post on here.....was interesting and tied the overall theme very well...I was skeptical when I started reading but it was a good read...good luck

Pancakes12
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Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby Pancakes12 » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:02 pm

Very nice PS. However, I do have one thought. Your grandmother passed away in 2006; you tell the story of when you were six years-old... so now you're thirteen? Just a little confused. I would leave off that last part so others aren't confused as well. Or maybe I'm missing something completely; in that case, correct me.

inlovewithpiper
Posts: 137
Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:20 pm

Re: I'm Batman (Personal Statement)

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sat Dec 21, 2013 11:15 pm

Pancakes12 wrote:Very nice PS. However, I do have one thought. Your grandmother passed away in 2006; you tell the story of when you were six years-old... so now you're thirteen? Just a little confused. I would leave off that last part so others aren't confused as well. Or maybe I'm missing something completely; in that case, correct me.


No, you're not missing anything; it was my fault for not including any indication of the passage of time in the middle. In fact, my Batman adventures began at age six and ended at age fourteen. So, then, "Operation Gameboy" actually takes place eight years after the story begins. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my reference to age six is really arbitrary and could really be any age from the time I was 6 to age 14 when she passed. But, then, it would seem a bit strange to still be running around proclaiming superhero status as a freshman in high school. :wink:

I'll probably leave that last part off to prevent that confusion. Thanks. 8)




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