1st Draft: Sufficient Topic/Reasoning?

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1st Draft: Sufficient Topic/Reasoning?

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Dec 20, 2013 5:38 pm

Realigning a previous essay toward a specific event in my teaching career. Looking for any advice (besides grammar and rhetorics, will tackle that later in the process).

Thank you in advance and happy holidays.

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I am a 3110.

It signifies that I am an “Interim Contract Teacher.” Essentially, a 3110 has the same salary, benefits, standards, and rights as any public school teacher in XXXXX County, but no tenure. Following a hiring freeze in 2008, 3110 was the status given to those of us that applied to become educators. Prior to the freeze, once hired, a teacher could be guaranteed a position every year. When the bell strikes 2:20pm on the last day of school, I no longer hold a job – my contract ends. With bated breath, I wait until August for any indication my contract will be renewed, which could only occur after every tenured teacher in the county (transferred, surplused, or otherwise) attains a position. It prompted a few nerve-wrecking summers, but the policies, and the subsequent events it prompted served as an unlikely motivator.

During my second year as an English and Film teacher, I met Mr. Peres, a full-time P.E. teacher that was initially transferred out the year prior. Administration would later tell me they felt he did a poor job, and decided transferring him out would be faster than the years of bureaucracy and paperwork associated with attempting to fire a tenured teacher. He was eventually bounced back to our school, but his previous position as a P.E. teacher was already filled. Peres was given my Film classes and we ended up sharing a classroom. While I didn't agree with his approach to teaching (turn movie on, sleep, wake up, students receive A’s), we reluctantly became friends, sharing an interest in Cross Country and Water Polo. As the school year came to a close, my principal informed me that she would be unable to renew my contract. With no new English teachers being hired, I wondered how she knew that she would lose a position so early in the process. It seemed that in order to teach Film, one has to attain a certificate in that particular field and Film is folded into the English certificate. Peres would assume my position next year due to his status as a tenured teacher. I passed on my lessons to Peres to help with his transition, and my former principal graciously assisted me in securing a position at the school I currently reside at.

Over the years, I met numerous young teachers in comparable situations; some walked away from education and others decided to enlist with private schools, several feeling betrayed and bitter. In my case, it felt like a mutual break-up. The sobering walk down the hall with boxes of paraphernalia, awkward moments when I bumped into former colleagues at Starbucks. The timeline of events that led to my non-renewal resembled the complex schemings of a Rube Goldberg machine which neither my principal, department head, nor I had any affect on, but knew had to run its course. A summer of deep reflection followed, in which I pondered where I was heading, both professionally and academically. As a teacher, I am often asked if I’d teach for the rest of my life, and I could never answer “yes” with conviction. It’s not for lack of a stable post, hard economic times and fickle employment are rampant in almost every occupation since I graduated. My current vocation lacks the mental stimulation, academic progression, and occupational challenges I crave. However, it was the aforementioned situation that led to my epiphany. I wasn’t content with my situation, and furthermore, I wasn’t content with the situation.

My circumstances erupted from a flawed interplay of rules, regulations, policies, and standards, which, in my current station, I cannot mend. My focus shifted away from education during that summer and toward my situation in its totality. I stepped outside of my contextual boundaries and my perspective was indelibly altered toward a loftier goal. I didn’t want to solve my problem, I want to solve the problem. 

I considered my friends who had bouts with immigration while trying to apply to college, wedged in a position where they were too old to be claimed by their parents, but too young to file independently for citizenship. I reflected on my own family’s healthcare dilemmas which seemed, at times, at odds with the health of the very people it governed. Yet, these quagmires of bureaucracy are not inclusive to governmental affairs. In college, I’d faced a similar predicament while attempting to ratify a complication with my grades. And it was here, with three years of teaching under my belt that these situations weighed on me heavily and imparted me with a clear objective. I seek to pool all of my efforts toward helping those in a marginalized position. As a lawyer, I will affect change by assisting those in need directly and by contributing to policies aimed at narrowing the gap that incites alienation.

This essay marks the culmination of my career in education. Although I have a passion for teaching, it is evident to me that my true calling is in law. I aspire to enter a field of study that aligns my interests, aptitudes, and work experiences with a profession I find intriguing, challenging, and fulfilling. Starting 2014, the policies in my school district will change so that teacher tenure is eradicated and all teachers will be evaluated on a yearly basis. It seems my problem has been solved. Yet, I remain unwavering and steadfastly resolved toward a career in law. In fact, this recent overhaul serves as an example of that which I wish to accomplish; I look forward to a career where I can facilitate similar policies and advocate for my community. 

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Gooner91
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Re: 1st Draft: Sufficient Topic/Reasoning?

Postby Gooner91 » Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:06 pm

I am not really an expert on personal statements but I really liked this one. The one part that bothers me is the first sentence in the first paragraph "This essay marks the culmination of my career in education." It just seems out of place to me, I think the paragraph is better without it. It also seems kind of long, is this like 3 pages when formatted properly?

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: 1st Draft: Sufficient Topic/Reasoning?

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Dec 20, 2013 6:58 pm

Gooner91 wrote:I am not really an expert on personal statements but I really liked this one. The one part that bothers me is the first sentence in the first paragraph "This essay marks the culmination of my career in education." It just seems out of place to me, I think the paragraph is better without it. It also seems kind of long, is this like 3 pages when formatted properly?


It just skirts the edge of 2 pages. Thanks for the input; I'll see how to tighten that last paragraph up.




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