1st draft: Critique mine and I'll critique yours

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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1st draft: Critique mine and I'll critique yours

Postby bcbias » Thu Dec 19, 2013 12:57 am

Last edited by bcbias on Sat Dec 21, 2013 5:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.


Posts: 139
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Re: 1st draft: Critique mine and I'll critique yours

Postby jac101689 » Fri Dec 20, 2013 5:09 pm

I cut and pasted this into a word document and changed the formatting to 12 pt Times New Roman with regular double spacing. You're sitting at 4.6 pages now. I stopped reading after the first two or three sentences.

There's hope because you're self-aware. You know this is mostly garbage in its current form; you know it's wordy and you know it's full of meaningless horse doo-doo. That happens in first drafts and sometimes in final drafts. My advice to you is to read this and figure out if there's anything in here that gives you a feeling or helps you recall a feeling that was, and preferably still is, significant to you. I did scan it after going through the painstaking process of reading the first few sentences and got a sense you're trying to talk about some personal development that occurred. Build around that; take out the rest.

Structurally, try this: problem-->solution process (what you did)-->outcome (including the impact you had, the impact of the situation on you, and how it has informed your decision to become a lawyer).

When it comes to writing style, try reading what you've written aloud. If you comprehend what you've written, distill into shorter sentences and don't use so many $80 words. If you don't comprehend something or its significance, think about cutting it.

You have a good vocabulary and you will write something good. But you need to cut this by at least 20% before anyone will give you a really constructive critique.

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