First Draft--Help Please!

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

First Draft--Help Please!

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 15, 2013 9:56 pm

I know that this needs an enormous amount of work...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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My interest in law was first piqued by a starry-eyed, idealistic ambition. I wanted to be a voice for the disenfranchised, heroically battling corruption, poverty, and inequality. This goal was admirable, to be sure, but lacked a concrete foundation. I wanted to be an attorney despite knowing little about what practicing law actually entailed. Before I could set my sights on the business of saving the world, I had to plant my roots in reality.
I first spent a summer interning with [firm name]. The legal aid firm represents low-income clients facing difficulties ranging from domestic abuse to eviction. While spending mornings in the firm’s outreach office, inside the adjacent courthouse, I was able to meet with the clients face-to-face. The office staff conducted interviews and helped place potential new clients in contact with the attorneys who could best help them. As I learned basic case procedures, I was excited to apply my knowledge to new clients’ scenarios and to provide them with assurance that the firm would be able to help them. The legal aid attorneys worked selflessly for the benefit of their clients, and the spirit of charitable service was infectious. Their commitment to the greater good became the framework within which I envisioned my future as an attorney.
My summer with legal aid left me eager for more hands-on experience in a legal practice. My first post-undergraduate job as a legal assistant has provided it in spades. Working for a small firm has afforded me the opportunity to work directly on every element of a case. Between client meetings, hours spent drafting pleadings, and trips to the courthouse, I’ve developed a working knowledge of a day in the life as a civil litigator. My wide range of responsibilities guarantees that every day is dynamic, and I’ve relished the intellectual challenges involved. A table crowded with boxes of discovery might be one man’s headache, but for me it is a treasure hunt. Finding a perfect case while performing research fills me with gleeful satisfaction. I’ve learned that being an effective attorney requires a sharp mind and a strong dose of creativity, and I’ve rarely encountered a dull moment in the office. My experiences with the firm and with legal aid represent a relatively narrow scope of legal work, but I am eager to broaden my horizons and apply my practical knowledge to the wide range of concepts I have left to explore.
I’ve found interacting with clients to be the most rewarding part of this position. I take pride in the strong professional relationships I’ve developed with the firm’s client base, a group of men and women from all walks of life. When clients express overwhelming gratitude for the help they have received, I am reminded that this work is ultimately grounded in a desire to do good things for good people. I’ve been able to witness the tangible impact that the attorneys have made on people’s lives, and I aspire to make this impact myself.
[Small paragraph tying in specific school]
Two and a half years ago, I set out to learn what being a lawyer was really all about. Today, I look forward to law school with confidence backed by experience, and with a genuine enthusiasm for the practice of law. I now know that as an attorney, I might not save the world—but I will make a positive difference, and love every minute of it.

kublaikahn
Posts: 647
Joined: Wed Feb 09, 2011 12:47 am

Re: First Draft--Help Please!

Postby kublaikahn » Sun Dec 15, 2013 11:36 pm

Anonymous User wrote:I know that this needs an enormous amount of work...any advice would be greatly appreciated.

---
My interest in law was first piqued by a starry-eyed, idealistic ambition. I wanted to be a voice for the disenfranchised, heroically battling corruption, poverty, and inequality. This goal was admirable, to be sure, but lacked a concrete foundation. I wanted to be an attorney despite knowing little about what practicing law actually entailed. Before I could set my sights on the business of saving the world, I had to plant my roots in reality.
I first spent a summer interning with [firm name]. The legal aid firm represents low-income clients facing difficulties ranging from domestic abuse to eviction. While spending mornings in the firm’s outreach office, inside the adjacent courthouse, I was able to meet with the clients face-to-face. The office staff conducted interviews and helped place potential new clients in contact with the attorneys who could best help them. As I learned basic case procedures, I was excited to apply my knowledge to new clients’ scenarios and to provide them with assurance that the firm would be able to help them. The legal aid attorneys worked selflessly for the benefit of their clients, and the spirit of charitable service was infectious. Their commitment to the greater good became the framework within which I envisioned my future as an attorney.
My summer with legal aid left me eager for more hands-on experience in a legal practice. My first post-undergraduate job as a legal assistant has provided it in spades. Working for a small firm has afforded me the opportunity to work directly on every element of a case. Between client meetings, hours spent drafting pleadings, and trips to the courthouse, I’ve developed a working knowledge of a day in the life as a civil litigator. My wide range of responsibilities guarantees that every day is dynamic, and I’ve relished the intellectual challenges involved. A table crowded with boxes of discovery might be one man’s headache, but for me it is a treasure hunt. Finding a perfect case while performing research fills me with gleeful satisfaction. I’ve learned that being an effective attorney requires a sharp mind and a strong dose of creativity, and I’ve rarely encountered a dull moment in the office. My experiences with the firm and with legal aid represent a relatively narrow scope of legal work, but I am eager to broaden my horizons and apply my practical knowledge to the wide range of concepts I have left to explore.
I’ve found interacting with clients to be the most rewarding part of this position. I take pride in the strong professional relationships I’ve developed with the firm’s client base, a group of men and women from all walks of life. When clients express overwhelming gratitude for the help they have received, I am reminded that this work is ultimately grounded in a desire to do good things for good people. I’ve been able to witness the tangible impact that the attorneys have made on people’s lives, and I aspire to make this impact myself.
[Small paragraph tying in specific school]
Two and a half years ago, I set out to learn what being a lawyer was really all about. Today, I look forward to law school with confidence backed by experience, and with a genuine enthusiasm for the practice of law. I now know that as an attorney, I might not save the world—but I will make a positive difference, and love every minute of it.


Try this. "I spent one summer at a legal aid organization. Then when I graduated, I became a legal assistant for a small firm. I loved it and want to be a lawyer. The end." There, I tightened that up for you.

If you want to talk about stuff that is already in your application, give us a story about it. And please don't make it one of those "I helped this poor woman and now I am convinced I want to be a lawyer."




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