1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:05 pm

Going to approach essay from a different angle. If mod could please delete, thanks.

- Thank you for the incredibly helpful comments -
Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Dec 17, 2013 7:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

jac101689
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Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:10 pm

Re: 1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby jac101689 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:28 pm

This is a decent pouring out of initial ideas but it has major issues.

It's unfocused. If you read it over you'll see what I mean.

Also, don't assert you know what all your students were thinking. As a lawyer, I'm pretty sure it's undesirable to uncritically accept your assumptions.

Also, the following paragraph is downright nonsensical:

"I ask them what it feels like to realize that for the past decade or so, they most likely haven’t written many correct sentences willfully, in the sense that they knew the proper grammatical rules and followed them… not just by accident. Eyes become glassy and eyebrows raise. They are thinking, "I have written essays for years, how is this possible?" It is the same mental process when they first learned Santa isn’t real. Their minds reel into the past, trying to grasp how they could have been SO RIGHT about something, only to have it not be true."

Your students might very well have been indicating they thought you were nuts. Of course, we all have such moments :D

The shift to your delay in applying to law school is abrupt and the explanation is unnecessary; lots of people start law school "late," and I think if anything your professional experience will be viewed as a compelling "soft" factor. Effective teachers typically have good interpersonal skills and a certain degree of charisma; those would be assets in the legal profession. Here, you seem to be anticipating adcomms will regard it negatively. I think there could be an effective way to describe your reasons for transitioning from teaching to law but you haven't struck it here.

For now, you need to read over this several times to determine what's garbage and what isn't.

Anonymous User
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Re: 1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:32 pm

I totally see what you mean in terms of it being erratic.

Would it be alright to assume the positives of being a teacher, or should explicitly mention it.

jac101689
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Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:10 pm

Re: 1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby jac101689 » Sun Dec 15, 2013 4:36 pm

I think one example of a good way to start your essay would be describing a moment when you felt self-actualized as a teacher. What was it that made you flow so smoothly? What was it that lit your students up and at the same time helped them move forward educationally? Maybe there was a time when you were teaching and you thought something to the effect of "I love this; or, I love certain aspects of this and I think I would find them more consistently as a lawyer."

These are just ideas; you have to put together the puzzle pieces yourself!

Arcticlynx
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Re: 1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby Arcticlynx » Mon Dec 16, 2013 1:18 pm

Two points immediately came to mind upon reading your PS.

1. You do not sound like you are running towards law, but like you are running away from education.
2. If you love English so much, why not be a writer, or study literature, or poetry? I don’t know, but I do not think that legal writing is like poetry, or Shakespeare’s sonnets. I don’t think there is much tone or emotion in a legal document. If that is your primary argument for studying law, I’m not sure that it will hold water.

I think that your love for English can certainly be a component of your reasons for applying to law school. I come from a science background and it has been equality difficult for me to argue why I want to study to law (my transition towards law has been more recent, and I say that straight up). But if you are arguing that you have always wanted to be a lawyer, I think that you need a more comprehensive argument than: I want to be a lawyer, because I love English. To me that part about your delay in applying to law school is irrelevant because you have not convinced me that you always did in fact want to be a lawyer and that you have good reasons for pursuing law. <- I would start here, and worry about the delay after you have a solid argument. You may realize that you don't actually need to explain the delay in the end.

Anonymous User
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Re: 1st Draft: Delayed App. and Educator

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Dec 16, 2013 1:43 pm

Arcticlynx wrote:Two points immediately came to mind upon reading your PS.

1. You do not sound like you are running towards law, but like you are running away from education.
2. If you love English so much, why not be a writer, or study literature, or poetry? I don’t know, but I do not think that legal writing is like poetry, or Shakespeare’s sonnets. I don’t think there is much tone or emotion in a legal document. If that is your primary argument for studying law, I’m not sure that it will hold water.

I think that your love for English can certainly be a component of your reasons for applying to law school. I come from a science background and it has been equality difficult for me to argue why I want to study to law (my transition towards law has been more recent, and I say that straight up). But if you are arguing that you have always wanted to be a lawyer, I think that you need a more comprehensive argument than: I want to be a lawyer, because I love English. To me that part about your delay in applying to law school is irrelevant because you have not convinced me that you always did in fact want to be a lawyer and that you have good reasons for pursuing law. <- I would start here, and worry about the delay after you have a solid argument. You may realize that you don't actually need to explain the delay in the end.


That first comment is something I didn't think about; really spot on. However, in the second comment I thought I made it clear that I don't have a love for poetry/sonnets; instead, I'm more inclined toward rhetoric and composition. Should I make it clearer?

Thanks for the comments thus far. Incredibly useful.




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