Is this a good topic for personal statement?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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luuma
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Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby luuma » Fri Dec 13, 2013 1:54 pm

thanks all
Last edited by luuma on Mon Dec 23, 2013 4:27 pm, edited 6 times in total.

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luuma
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby luuma » Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:26 am

I would like to note that I am also submitting a diversity statement since I am Hispanic and from a disadvantaged socioeconomic background/hometown.

inlovewithpiper
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:45 am

It sounds like you have a pretty good idea forming here. I love that you have so many rich experiences to share; that will be super helpful in fleshing your story out.

To begin, I am a huge fan of the "show, not tell" method. Even more, I love narratives. So, your opener really caught my attention. But, I would probably turn that into something even more full of life, like this:

"Hijo, cuando seas grande, puedes ser lo que quieras," my grandmother assuredly whispered as she pulled me up by my waist to a standing position. The warm smile on her face shrouded me in a comforting aura of encouragement.

In that moment, I was only a sleepy-eyed five year old, but knowing that she believed that I could be whatever I wanted to be sparked my lifelong curiosity for learning. Over the next 15 years, that curiosity would fervently flourish into...

Of course you don't have to use these words exactly. My point is that the best PS is the one that let's us as readers live the moment with you. Write from the heart and recall exactly what you felt/thought/heard/saw/smelled/tasted and your passion will come across.

Good luck! :)

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luuma
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby luuma » Sun Dec 22, 2013 1:55 am

Hey!! Thanks so much for helping me! I wrote down a word in Spanish in my diversity... Someone said it's too Junot Diaz of me, and that I should follow with a translation afterwards. What do you think of this? And I was thinking the same thing! Because it doesn't sound as compelling in English..

inlovewithpiper
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:00 am

I would personally ignore people who tell you that writing bits in Spanish is a bad thing. I agree with the translation part, but I definitely wouldn't follow the Spanish with a direct English translation. Like I did in my last post, I translated the Spanish without ever actually translating it. Spanish and that background seem to be who you are; your entire story echoes with cultural overtones and I think it would be foolish to try and suppress those. Good personal statements are good precisely because of how well they highlight those special traits that make you unique.

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HorseThief
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby HorseThief » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:28 am

Yeah, using a bit of Spanish sounds like a good idea. It catches the readers attention and is really impressive. Maybe use something like "Hijo, if you set your mind to it, you can do anything" to bridge the gap.

Also, I hope this isn't too much of a tear, but your PS kinda just repeats your resume. I agree with the poster who loves piper that narratives are the best- try expanding the story about your grandmother, and connect it with one of your other experiences. You can talk about your work in the DS, and leave the conversation about courses and 'variety of legal frameworks' to your transcript and resume. I would rather hear about Buenos Aires or La Sorbonne.

inlovewithpiper
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby inlovewithpiper » Sun Dec 22, 2013 11:34 am

HorseThief wrote: the poster who loves piper


:lol: :lol: :lol:

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HorseThief
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Re: Is this a good topic for personal statement?

Postby HorseThief » Sun Dec 22, 2013 12:09 pm

inlovewithpiper wrote:
HorseThief wrote: the poster who loves piper


:lol: :lol: :lol:


:wink:




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