Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273380
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Dec 12, 2013 12:44 am

--thanks, please delete this thread---
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

xmbeckham
Posts: 61
Joined: Sun Oct 13, 2013 10:36 pm

Re: Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby xmbeckham » Thu Dec 12, 2013 9:41 am

I can see from the essay that you have many good qualities, but one main problem is that it reads a bit too professional. Try connecting with your readers with personalized passages that tell more about you (not only what you did). Focus less on the research content.

Arcticlynx
Posts: 71
Joined: Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:36 pm

Re: Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby Arcticlynx » Fri Dec 13, 2013 5:14 am

You and I need to swap drafts for editing next week. I also have a science background and write a little about research in my essay (you detail the methods and material of your project beautifully). Overall, however, I have a different take on the essay then you and cut out a lot of my research experience. After reading your essay, I think that we can learn from each other and make both essays better.

Feel free to PM me this weekend, and I will pick it up on Monday.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273380
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Dec 13, 2013 1:24 pm

Arcticlynx wrote:You and I need to swap drafts for editing next week. I also have a science background and write a little about research in my essay (you detail the methods and material of your project beautifully). Overall, however, I have a different take on the essay then you and cut out a lot of my research experience. After reading your essay, I think that we can learn from each other and make both essays better.

Feel free to PM me this weekend, and I will pick it up on Monday.



Sounds good! I'm actually in the process of editing to make mine a bit more personable but it should be ready over the weekend. I'll PM you (not anonymously of course) in a couple days!

xmbeckham wrote:I can see from the essay that you have many good qualities, but one main problem is that it reads a bit too professional. Try connecting with your readers with personalized passages that tell more about you (not only what you did). Focus less on the research content.



Thank you for your feedback, it makes a lot of sense. I'm going to make it easier/more fun to read.

jac101689
Posts: 139
Joined: Thu Oct 25, 2012 2:10 pm

Re: Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby jac101689 » Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:46 pm

Excellent in my opinion. The popular wisdom is not to start with someone else's words but that Darwin gem made me smile ear-to-ear. You've written about something that could easily have come off as wooden and made it come alive; at the same time you've told us a lot about yourself.

I think "why law" could be stronger and that's about it.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273380
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Third/fourth draft -- Scientific Research

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Dec 14, 2013 6:50 pm

jac101689 wrote:Excellent in my opinion. The popular wisdom is not to start with someone else's words but that Darwin gem made me smile ear-to-ear. You've written about something that could very well come off as wooden and made it come alive; at the same time you've told us a lot about yourself.

I think "why law" could be stronger and that's about it.


Thanks a lot! I actually JUST removed my original draft, I'm going to make a new thread with my revised PS which is hopefully more readable (ahem less boring?) than the previous incarnation.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.