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Anonymous User
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Postby Anonymous User » Tue Dec 10, 2013 3:58 pm

Last edited by Anonymous User on Wed Dec 11, 2013 4:39 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1st draft - rip me a new one!

Postby JuTMSY4 » Tue Dec 10, 2013 4:09 pm

This is top level - but I'd skip the why law school part or weave it in more subtly. It's basically not connected to your premise. Moreover, it sounds like your thesis is really "I like to learn things school will give me lots of crap to learn!"

These things are a bitch and I actually think you have some great ideas here. Just not this one. Focus on what your dad taught you by being an immigrant or how his adversity impacted you or his work at the polls. Please tell a story, not just a hodge podge of stuff.

This is a big throwaway paragraph

Anonymous User wrote: Since my family was never comfortable talking about their experiences, I had to research it myself. Thus, my voracious appetite for foreign affairs began. What should have been a simple history lesson about Viet Nam snowballed into a passion, and then turned into my major. I wanted to study British history, Latin-American relations, Soviet Russian history, and current European political systems. I took a stimulating class about human rights and narrowed the field even further to just environmental injustice. I just wanted to learn about cultures and how people survive. Even my science fiction course routinely delved into discussions about the treatment of minorities.

When I applied to law school, I wrote about my dad too. And I think my first draft was similar to this. In my opinion, good legal writing is really story telling. Tell a story and you'll have a bigger effect on your app.

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