Diversity Statement - comments appreciated!!

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Anonymous User
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Diversity Statement - comments appreciated!!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Dec 02, 2013 4:52 am

thanks!
Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Dec 02, 2013 3:04 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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mandyjay11
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Re: Diversity Statement - comments appreciated!!

Postby mandyjay11 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 8:15 am

I don't think I like the military analogy. So many people that fought in real wars will be applying along side you and this will seem a little juvenile. That's just my opinion.

You have a good topic, I would just present it differently if I were you.
Last edited by mandyjay11 on Mon Dec 02, 2013 1:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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oshberg28
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Re: Diversity Statement - comments appreciated!!

Postby oshberg28 » Mon Dec 02, 2013 1:30 pm

Definitely agreed with the poster above me - scrap the military analogy. When I figured out that you weren't referring to an actual war, I rolled my eyes, and that's not good. Also, I don't see much in the way of diversity in this statement. You took a test that all must take, and then you moved to the U.S.. The second half has some potential, but I don't see the point of the first paragraph.

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Diversity Statement - comments appreciated!!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Dec 02, 2013 3:06 pm

Thanks for the feedback - I will definitely remove the analogy. I also think my point didn't get across, which means a major rewrite is in order :P




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