Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

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Anonymous User
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Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:29 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 11, 2013 8:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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t-14orbust
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby t-14orbust » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:34 pm

No offense but I was bored

edit for something more useful: I feel like all of the points you're making here can be expressed in the rest of your application without belaboring the point

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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:36 pm

t-14orbust wrote:No offense but I was bored


haha..so you are not entertained??

Thanks for the response.

I am taking the "lay the facts out there logically" route...is that not the way of going about the DS or PS?

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t-14orbust
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby t-14orbust » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:41 pm

Definitely do NOT go with this style for your PS. I think you can scrap this DS completely and get the points across in the rest of your application fairly easily. You went on for a while just to tell me: 1. Immigrant. 2. Poor > Less Poor. 3. Bi/multilingual. 4. Autistic brother.

edit: What the hell do I know, anyways. Maybe other people will be more useful

2nd edit: read this guide before you start working on your PS. It helped me: http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to-personal-statements.html

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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:46 pm

t-14orbust wrote:Definitely do NOT go with this style for your PS. I think you can scrap this DS completely and get the points across in the rest of your application fairly easily. You went on for a while just to tell me: 1. Immigrant. 2. Poor > Less Poor. 3. Bi/multilingual. 4. Autistic brother.

edit: What the hell do I know, anyways. Maybe other people will be more useful

2nd edit: read this guide before you start working on your PS. It helped me: http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to-personal-statements.html


:shock:

But i have gone through the TLS guide, it is great stuff. I also have read plenty of examples. I am struggling to capture the "I" narrative, without sounding too logical and straightforward ^like above.

alot of PS's out there capture the unique (global/scholarly) experiences of applicants...im not sure I have those experiences, hence, immig./poor. simple stuff. but i do feel my work exp. and softs are on par to be very competitive

..thanks T14 or bust (same here)....anyone else have insight to at least the writing?

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t-14orbust
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby t-14orbust » Fri Nov 08, 2013 7:50 pm

Anonymous User wrote:
t-14orbust wrote:Definitely do NOT go with this style for your PS. I think you can scrap this DS completely and get the points across in the rest of your application fairly easily. You went on for a while just to tell me: 1. Immigrant. 2. Poor > Less Poor. 3. Bi/multilingual. 4. Autistic brother.

edit: What the hell do I know, anyways. Maybe other people will be more useful

2nd edit: read this guide before you start working on your PS. It helped me: http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to-personal-statements.html


:shock:

But i have gone through the TLS guide, it is great stuff. I also have read plenty of examples. I am struggling to capture the "I" narrative, without sounding too logical and straightforward ^like above.

alot of PS's out there capture the unique (global/scholarly) experiences of applicants...im not sure I have those experiences, hence, immig./poor. simple stuff. but i do feel my work exp. and softs are on par to be very competitive

..thanks T14 or bust (same here)....anyone else have insight to at least the writing?


I'm not knocking the general themes, I just don't like how you're portraying them. Stop telling me and start showing me. I didn't feel any strong emotions while reading this. Pick out a few moments in time where you can vividly illustrate these themes. You can turn your experiences into an amazing PS/DS, I'm sure of it.

Anonymous User
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:00 pm

t-14orbust wrote:I'm not knocking the general themes, I just don't like how you're portraying them. Stop telling me and start showing me. I didn't feel any strong emotions while reading this. Pick out a few moments in time where you can vividly illustrate these themes. You can turn your experiences into an amazing PS/DS, I'm sure of it.



I'm in 100% agreeance with you, the writing is flat, and needs to be inverted into showing/descriptive narrative. Not logical arguments written for a logical reasoning section.

Thanks!

Big Dog
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Big Dog » Fri Nov 08, 2013 8:31 pm

One way I carry my culture with me is in my bilingual ability to speak [1st / language of nationality].


Gag me, please. :P

Why not just say, "Fluent in [language], I have assisted attorneys by interviewing clients/witnesses..." or some such.

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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 08, 2013 10:38 pm

Big Dog wrote:
One way I carry my culture with me is in my bilingual ability to speak [1st / language of nationality].


Gag me, please. :P

Why not just say, "Fluent in [language], I have assisted attorneys by interviewing clients/witnesses..." or some such.



Soooo is that a gag me to that line..orrrrr does the whole thing suck?? Really, no hurt feelings here

Big Dog
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Re: Diversity Statement- too much fluff? shred away! [For HSCol]

Postby Big Dog » Sat Nov 09, 2013 2:01 am

that specific sentence because it is just not necessary (besides being unnatural). If you are fluent in a language, most adcoms would just assume that you could converse with others -- including clients -- in their native language.

But more importantly, as earlier poster noted, "Stop telling me and start showing me." And the bulk of your story is telling, not showing.




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