First Draft. Input is appreciated!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
Posts: 273081
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

First Draft. Input is appreciated!

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 01, 2013 4:04 pm

Thanks everyone for the input! Mods can delete since I have completed my statement
Last edited by Anonymous User on Sun Nov 03, 2013 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273081
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: First Draft. Input is appreciated!

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Nov 02, 2013 12:03 pm

Hump de bump

Wolverine1614
Posts: 19
Joined: Mon Aug 26, 2013 10:02 pm

Re: First Draft. Input is appreciated!

Postby Wolverine1614 » Sat Nov 02, 2013 2:58 pm

Super happy for you that you could persevere through all of this. It's a cool story.

To the topic at hand, I think your personal statement needs to be more focused on one specific aspect of your journey so far. I think you focus on all that you've done, and all that you've done is very impressive, but focusing specifically on one of these experiences (like the college legal clinic, that was cool) and how that experience shaped you and how you grew from it would make this personal statement very strong.

I think the part with your economics classes should either be left out as it seems like a restatement of what the people reading your app are going to see when they look at your transcript. You could focus your WHOLE personal statement on these economics classes and mention how you were living out of your car at the time, but as it stands now, it doesn't really tell me a whole lot about you that I couldn't get from other parts of your application. If you want to go down this route, show me more about the qualities you gained from this experience.

Seriously though, you're a very impressive person from reading all about you here. I think your personal statement just needs to be more focused on one experience and I think your personal statement will be awesome.




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