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Anonymous User
Posts: 273142
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

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Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 01, 2013 6:58 am

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 18, 2013 3:06 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Ramius
Posts: 2005
Joined: Mon Jul 02, 2012 12:39 am

Re: DS -- Need Help Cutting. Rip apart!

Postby Ramius » Fri Nov 01, 2013 7:17 am

Way, way too long. Please cut this down to 1.5 pages using 12 point font max. You go into far too much detail in describing your family's poverty situation. You spend half a page talking about groceries...doesn't that seem excessive to you? I know you're trying to take a basic necessity and use it to showcase your situation growing up, but you can be much more succinct about it.

Read through each sentence and decide whether it is an effective use of space to further your base message, which is that your family is poor but they managed to overcome it.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273142
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: DS -- Need Help Cutting. Rip apart!

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Nov 01, 2013 10:49 am

Thanks for your help!




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