First Draft of My Persoanal Statement, criticism appreciated

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:01 pm

First Draft of My Persoanal Statement, criticism appreciated

Postby alejandroRG » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:06 pm


Below is my first draft of my PS. Any criticisms would be greatly appreciated. I would be happy to trade statements if you want to!! The length is exactly two pages double spaced.

Thanks in advanced!

On January 1, 1959, rebel forces expelled the ruling government in Cuba and set into a motion a sociopolitical revolution that continues today. Characterized by Marxists-Leninist ideals, the island’s government, intentionally or otherwise, lead themselves into direct conflict with their northern neighbors that would result in an already poor population being forcibly plunged into extreme poverty and isolation. Fleeing the “grand people’s revolt,” my grandfather was forced to uproot his family and move to New York State where a sizeable Cuban exile community had been established. Over the next 47 years a slow trickle of my relatives would also be granted the privilege of receiving an exit visa and reuniting with family after decades of separation because of an economic embargo on the island. Although politics separating families is not unheard of and sour relations between nations enduring for generations are not uncommon, “the struggle” as it has become known, to survive on the island and reunite with family in exile is unique to the Cuban people and Cuban families like my own.
Each year, at least one member of my family returns to Cuba with sacs of luggage or “bultos” as we call them, full of commonplace items like toothpaste, kitchen utensils, clothing, medicines, and foodstuffs, which are by Cuban standards rare and expensive commodities. Upon their return, the entire family will gather at my grandmother’s home to watch home videos recorded during their trip. The short videos, always include thankful messages to those who sent gifts, updates about the on goings of the family and our hometown, and warm greetings to the rest of us—including myself, a cousin or nephew whom they have never met.
The most striking images in those videos though is the degree of poverty in which people live in the remote town where my family lives. Rolling blackouts and water shortages are staples of daily life. Sugar fields lay barren even though the month’s rations are not enough to bake a cake for one of the children’s birthday. Cooking oil may or may not be available in the “dollar store”—places where those visiting relatives can go to buy necessities. Slaughtering a head of cattle for food can carry a heavier prison sentence for taking the life of another person and milk is strictly rationed and only available to children under the age of seven.. Medicines and medical supplies are so scarce that catheters and boxes of disposable gloves had to be sent to my uncle from Miami so that he would not have to use the same ones for weeks while receiving treatments for a bladder infection. This is the everyday reality for my family living only 90 miles away from Florida.
Poverty and shortages are defining characteristics of the Cuban lifestyle although they are situated next to the most affluent country in the world. I am perusing a law degree so that I may actively participate in those mechanisms and organizations that formulate and implement international law domestically and abroad. My aim as a lawyer would be to work with our government and governments abroad to create and rollout policies for the betterment of those most negatively affected by political differences such as the Cuban people are today. I also wish to work in those related bodies for the promotion of international cooperation so that we may call an end to disputes which separate millions of families just like my own and degrade the living conditions of people around the world. Home videos should not be the only connection that I am allowed to have with my own family entrapped in poverty by a political stalemate between neighboring countries only a short distance away—and this is the first step in my effort to correct that situation.

Big Dog
Posts: 1191
Joined: Wed Dec 16, 2009 9:34 pm

Re: First Draft of My Persoanal Statement, criticism appreciated

Postby Big Dog » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:35 pm

besides the last par, the rest has almost nothing to do with YOU. Plenty of adcoms were history majors, so they are not oblivious to the economics of third world countries....

The fact that you have relatives living in a third world country is the only takeaway from the first 80% of your PS. And since your relatives are not applying to LS....

User avatar
Posts: 482
Joined: Mon Jun 25, 2012 9:25 pm

Re: First Draft of My Persoanal Statement, criticism appreciated

Postby BentleyLittle » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:49 pm

I enjoyed reading this as I enjoy the topic. However, as the poster above mentioned, I learn almost nothing of significance about you.

Posts: 3
Joined: Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:01 pm

Re: First Draft of My Persoanal Statement, criticism appreciated

Postby alejandroRG » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:24 pm

Thanks guys I really appreciate the feedback.

Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.