Very personal PS

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Anonymous User
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Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Oct 20, 2013 11:56 pm

I'm thinking of writing my PS on this very personal topic. Good idea? I don't have much yet. Need advise and feedback. Thank you in advance!!


(Personal Statement)
Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Trajectory
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Trajectory » Mon Oct 21, 2013 8:39 am

This was a tough read. Im not sure how the topic idea will pan out, I think if you're ok with writing about this then it should be ok. But maybe someone else can provide better advice on that. It certainly got my attention and kept it and I'm sure it'll be the same for mostly everyone that reads this.

A few things I'm thinking: Quotation marks for that first sentence? Im not sure what the rule is on that bc of the way you wrote that in there but I felt that way since it was someone telling you this. Also, this is something minor I suppose, when you said "Words don't define me. Consequences don't define me...etc" I think it would better get the point across, in a more defining manner, if instead of don't you use "do not"...I feel saying that way underlines the not part!

Also, "I remember and use those words as strength to live my life and [to] help those around me." I think "to" belongs in there!

Good luck! I think you're on the right track!

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Ramius
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Ramius » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:40 am

This is an intensely personal topic, so no one on here can rightly tell you whether or not it's the "right" topic for you, but I will go ahead and say how you write it will be crucial. Your whole childhood sounds incredibly traumatic and it tugs on the reader's heart strings just imagining you as a 12-year old girl crying near the door praying for your mom to come home. It's a powerful image and one that is tough for pretty much anyone to picture. You use very powerful imagery and your writing style isn't holding you back. All of that positive being said, there is a possibility of negatives throughout this statement that I want to warn against. First, don't let it be an emotional baggage dump on the reader. It hasn't gotten to that point yet, but if you somehow use this as a cathartic experience to explain how awful your childhood was, it'll probably rub the reader the wrong way because you will come off as angry and resentful. Whether those feelings are warranted won't matter. I'm on the admissions committee of a professional school, not your therapist. Second, I would focus more heavily on how those horrifying circumstances as a child formed who you are today as an adult. As hard as it will be, you need to focus on the positives. I'm not saying to look for positives in being sexually abused, but more in the positives you derived from the inner strength you discovered as a result of it. You had to tap into a toughness that most children never have to experience, and you can use that to your advantage to showcase how it has made you a tougher, more aware and resolved person as an adult. With that in mind, I'd try to minimize your actual discussion of the abuse and focus more heavily on the adulthood. You can create that effective sympathy in the reader in one or two vivid paragraphs and use the rest of your statement to show the positive qualities you want them to see. That way you as a candidate go from simply being sympathized for and move into being completely impressed by. You can show a level of strength we all wish we had.

You have the opportunity to present a truly moving personal statement that most others can't even imagine matching, but the devil is in the details. If you complete the statement, I'd be happy to read it over and give you my thoughts on how your entire voice comes off and whether or not you pulled off this incredibly tricky topic. Good luck!

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:16 pm

Thank you so much for your input. This is not the kind of paper that I can pass along to my family for suggestions, so I'm dependent on your help here.

I will work on it tonight based on both your suggestions. I'll will post my next draft as soon as I can.

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yomisterd
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby yomisterd » Mon Oct 21, 2013 9:34 pm

Wow Anon, that was powerful. Way to push through a tough life to now be applying for law school! I think we all applaud your strength!

Quick (hopefully constructive) comment: Definitely try to tie your powerful story into why you want to go to law school! I can't tell you how to do that, but if you are looking to be a child advocate, your story powerfully accentuates that drive and demonstrates how you would be a good fit for a strong child advocate/women & child issues/public interest program. If you are not looking to go those routes, then just make sure that you bring out those qualities you have developed and your strength and how it would make you a good fit for whatever school you are applying to.

Good luck and best wishes, Anon!

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 21, 2013 10:03 pm

I worked on it a bit. Here it goes.

(Personal Statement)
Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Oct 22, 2013 8:26 pm

I tweaked the 3rd paragraph on this one:

(Personal Statement)
Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Oct 23, 2013 9:33 pm

Still open to suggestions. Thanks!

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AnonymousAlterEgoC
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby AnonymousAlterEgoC » Thu Oct 24, 2013 2:42 am

You may want to consider the overarching purpose of the PS: show that you are a strong candidate for law school.

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Ramius
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Ramius » Fri Oct 25, 2013 7:18 am

The latest revision was definitely on the right path. I think you show passion and a purpose with your writing, which is essential when you talk about things like this. I think most readers will read this and clearly see that you want to take your negative experiences and channel them to be a positive in others' lives. That being said, if you want to take this full circle and give the reader complete resolution, I'd try to tie in what you want to do with your law degree a little more concretely. Simply stating that you want to help people because of your experiences is a little vague. By using such a sensitive and personal angle from your past, you're effectively talking about what intrinsically drives you, which is great. All that is left that should be added is where it is driving you. "Why law school?" doesn't always have to be answered in a PS, but I think in this case it should for the most impact.

I haven't taken the time to check this, but it also feels a little on the short side. Succinct is definitely a positive in the PS, but to me that usually means two pages double spaced. If it is already that, I apologize and you can go ahead and forget about it.

huetohold
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby huetohold » Fri Oct 25, 2013 8:01 am

I think you've got something here. I second what others have said about being more concrete about why you want to go to law school. What makes the first two paragraphs so compelling is their specificity, from the quote, to the powerfully matter-of-fact descriptions about your parents. The subsequent paragraphs, which move from the past to the present/future, lose some of this impact, as you go from specific descriptions to general statements. On the one hand, given the former, your use of usually cliched phrases like "dig deep in my soul," "words do not define me," "consequences do not define me" do have some impact. On the other hand, they would have much greater impact if you're able to make them concrete. On this front, you don't even need to address explicitly why you to want to go to law school. A better approach might be just to give more detail about where you are presently in life, particularly your statement that you are "a mom, an advocate, a teacher and a counselor." Picking a specific incident from one (or, if there is room, more) of those roles can simultaneously make concrete: a) how you overcame the past (the present), and b) why law school is the next step for you (the future) - all without running the risk that a reader might find the second half of your PS too filled with platitudes. It would be a shame if they did that, after all, because your experiences seem anything but. Good luck!

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Oct 25, 2013 10:28 pm

Thank you for your suggestions! I'm having some trouble trying to tie in my experiences and my motivation to go to law school. I have this so far. Again, thank you for taking the time to read. And matthewsean85.. yes, I think it's too short still. It's a page and a half!

(Personal Statement)
Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
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Re: Very personal PS

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:44 pm

Still open to suggestions!

Anonymous User
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Very Personal PS. Need input!!!

Postby Anonymous User » Mon Nov 04, 2013 10:54 pm

Please read and give me your honest comments:

(Personal Statement)




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