First Draft: Critique?

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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aesth24
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Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2013 3:35 am

First Draft: Critique?

Postby aesth24 » Wed Oct 16, 2013 4:34 pm

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Last edited by aesth24 on Tue Dec 03, 2013 8:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

NanaP
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Re: First Draft: Critique?

Postby NanaP » Wed Oct 16, 2013 6:29 pm

I guess my first question would be, what is it that you want the adcom to know about you? Your first draft doesn't really convey anything about you or why you're pursuing law school.

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aesth24
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Re: First Draft: Critique?

Postby aesth24 » Wed Oct 16, 2013 7:38 pm

NanaP wrote:I guess my first question would be, what is it that you want the adcom to know about you? Your first draft doesn't really convey anything about you or why you're pursuing law school.


I figured...I was trying to tie it into the conclusion but couldn't find a smooth connection, but thanks for reading

Bane75
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Joined: Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:27 pm

Re: First Draft: Critique?

Postby Bane75 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 12:39 am

Seems like youre trying a bit to hard to make it sound good (use of adjectives) early on and it kind of lulls the reader to sleep. I think you have a good story. Just try to get to the point sooner. How do those skills translate to this next endeavor. Good job so far.

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aesth24
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Re: First Draft: Critique?

Postby aesth24 » Thu Oct 17, 2013 4:07 pm

Bane75 wrote:Seems like youre trying a bit to hard to make it sound good (use of adjectives) early on and it kind of lulls the reader to sleep. I think you have a good story. Just try to get to the point sooner. How do those skills translate to this next endeavor. Good job so far.


Awesome! Thanks for reading!




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