how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

Postby Anonymous User » Fri Oct 11, 2013 11:15 pm

can you see the direction where I am heading?

I thought that being an intern meant getting my boss coffee when he needed it and making copies of his important documents. This internship had proved to be a completely opposite experience. The more I spend working in the law firm, the more I want to become the owner of it. The experiences that I have gained from working at _____________are invaluable.
On the first day of work, I was asked to accompany an attorney to a hearing. This was my first day on the job and I did not know what to expect. Perhaps I was expecting to be given an orientation on my first day of work, but no. I was welcomed with a hearing minutes upon arriving to the law firm. I drove with the attorney over to the courthouse where a case was going to be heard.
When we walked into the court room, a judge greeted us. The judge introduced the facts of the pending case. A few moments later, the attorney from the law firm where I work at introduced our side of the case and arguments. The attorney on the other side rebutted and introduced his case. I saw that both lawyers came well prepared to argue to death. The courtroom got so heated that I wouldn’t have even wanted to be a fly on that wall.
The reality was that I was sitting in a courthouse watching two strangers fiercely argue about a case that I knew nothing about. I could feel the tension boiling under my skin and the awkwardness of the whole situation. I remember thinking about how smart each lawyer was and how quick they were to perfectly articulate what they needed to say. The way each lawyer spoke was completely mesmerizing and had me dazed and confused at the same time. I could imagine myself being up there arguing.
About half and hour of arguing, the judge decided to give a ruling in favor of the plaintiff (the attorney from our firm). As we drove out of the courthouse, the attorney asked me ‘could you do what I did, everyday, for the rest of your life?’ Even though I was confused more than ever, I replied with ‘I wouldn’t want to do anything else in my life’.
I was being completely honest in my response. What attracted me to law is drama. I am addicted to tense situations and adrenaline rushes. I find myself to be very interested in controversy and drama. I can never find myself looking away from a heated debate or argument whether it is between a husband and wife or between politicians. What I saw in that courtroom that day was probably better than any artificial controversy or argument that I have ever seen on TV.
I could imagine being in the position of those attorneys for the rest of my entire life.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273316
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

Postby Anonymous User » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:04 pm

anybody?

User avatar
Emma.
Posts: 2401
Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2008 7:57 pm

Re: how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

Postby Emma. » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:09 pm

Doesn't really work. Sorry.

The reader learns basically nothing about you.

Pancakes12
Posts: 269
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 10:13 am

Re: how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

Postby Pancakes12 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:12 pm

Regardless of the topic, it's not well written. You are overly descriptive of irrelevant detail, like when you devote an entire sentence to highlight the fact that you drove to the courthouse.

Concerning the topic, I don't think it's good. You are saying that you're decision to study law rests upon one very anticlimactic experience. It's honestly a little odd and seems like you're just trying to force it.

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A. Nony Mouse
Posts: 22842
Joined: Tue Sep 25, 2012 11:51 am

Re: how is this VERY ROUGH DRAFT

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Sat Oct 12, 2013 12:53 pm

I also think that saying that you're attracted to the law by the drama sounds naive, as if you've watched too much Law and Order, because tons of what lawyers do is sitting alone at a desk reading and writing. You also come really close to saying you want to be a lawyer because you love to argue, which is another very naive cliche. (Some kinds of lawyers do spend a lot of time in the courtroom/arguing, but you'd need to make clear that you understand what kind of lawyers those are and how you'd intend to become one of them.)




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