First Draft... don't hold back

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Delson
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:09 pm

First Draft... don't hold back

Postby Delson » Wed Oct 09, 2013 8:14 pm

Here it was; my first grievance! My hands became sweaty instantly. I was elated yet concerned; eager yet apprehensive. As my emotions wrestled for position, I responded "I will be there shortly, “to which she replied "Ok, but please come as quick as possible. It's a termination." That past weekend i had just taken a three day course to become a union steward and now i was just advised that a union-paying member needs union representation -- not just for any kind — for a termination. I called my mentor immediately; I was advised he would walk me through the first few grievances. There was no response. With every ring the more nervous i became. No one answered and I advised the manager i would be the only steward present.
The union member was ______. A single mother of 2 children and an 8 year company employee who has never had any disciplinary coaching on her record. She recently began suffering from panic attacks and for this condition was prescribed medication to calm her nerves. Moreover, she was allotted a specific amount of excused hours for emergencies related to her health and her daughters' through the Family Medical Leave Act.
The calamity arose when the prescribed medication began to affect her performance. Her doctor, obstinate in her decision not to lower the prescribed dosage, didn't approve _____'s FMLA hours without any notification. This led her to go over the days excusable at the company and her subsequent dismissal.
The next week I set up an informal meeting with upper management and our Union President. To my surprise they were unwilling to negotiate or consider the extenuating circumstances. The Union President also advised me that the case would not be escalated to mediation due to the costs ($5,000 for a mediator/mediation) and the likelihood that we would not win. He also noted her best bet would be to hire a lawyer and take legal action against her doctor a step I knew, and he knew, she could not afford.
I disected our bargained contract to see in what other cost-effective way I can assist Ms.____. I presented a records request form for my client and all the other 200+ employees of that department. In perusing through the records of each of the employees, I noticed management failed to follow the disciplinary process we bargained for in our employee contract-- a procedural error on the company's behalf. Ms____ did exceed her points (days absent excused), but while incurring these points the company failed to provide both a formal and written warning, necessary steps before a termination is undertaken. If these steps were satisfied, Ms. ____ would have known her hours were not being accepted, could have avoided the exhaustion of the permissible days and have gotten the FMLA hours issue resolved with her doctor. Additionally, a few workers exceeded their absences limit and no actions were taken; this displayed preferential treatment-- another contract violation
I contacted my local U.S labor department and confirmed the termination would in fact be in violation of the FLSA (Federal Labor Standards Act); scheduled a second meeting with upper management; explained the imminent filing of labor charges and the potential ramifications of their failure to follow what was agreed to in our contract. This time they listened. Ms. ____ was eventually reinstated and given retrocative pay for her unjustified termination.
Law has always been The Plan. But my time as a Union Steward compounded what was only a desire into an emblazed passion for advocacy. In representing the plights of over 2,000+ employees it has helped enhance my bargaining, researching and communicative abilities. Skills which are readily transferable to law school and the law field. I have settled many grievances but have also encountered myriad limitiations. An acceptance into _________ will assist me in circumventing these limitations and further assisting the workers I will continue to represent.

User avatar
rutgers17
Posts: 149
Joined: Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:43 pm

Re: First Draft... don't hold back

Postby rutgers17 » Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:54 pm

I've yet to write my personal statement (just in the research process right now), so you can certainly take this with a grain of salt. But, I think you go into way too much detail about the case. Paragraphs 2 through most of 5 are all bogged down by the amount of minute details you include. Personally, I think you could sum up the major details into one paragraph and spend the rest of that space in your paper on [i]you[i]. You don't learn very much about you from this, except your profession (which I would assume is on your resume) and that you've always wanted to go to law school. I don't think this makes you stand out enough, it seems like it would be better if your personality came through more. Good luck

Delson
Posts: 4
Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2013 6:09 pm

Re: First Draft... don't hold back

Postby Delson » Thu Oct 10, 2013 12:18 pm

I see what you mean. I showed it to someone else yesterday and they gave me critiques similar to yours. Thank you.

User avatar
midwest17
Posts: 1686
Joined: Sat Aug 31, 2013 5:27 pm

Re: First Draft... don't hold back

Postby midwest17 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 11:21 am

Make sure you think about your confidentiality requirements. There are details about your client in there that strike me (as an untrained reader) as things you probably shouldn't be making public. Client confidentiality is important for lawyers; it won't look good if you appear to be willing to spill client's secrets to tell a good story.




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.