Interested in Feedback to 1st Paragraph PS

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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SonlenNightfall
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Joined: Sat Jun 22, 2013 6:54 pm

Interested in Feedback to 1st Paragraph PS

Postby SonlenNightfall » Fri Sep 20, 2013 7:06 pm

Just curious if this personal statement is going well so far. Looking for input as to whether or not it is clear the direction this Personal Statement is headed and just generally whether or not I am on the right track stylistically. Thank you very much for any and all help you can give!

I remember the shipwreck, the overgrown island, and the fear that gripped me when I first learned that the island was teeming with cannibals. But my clearest memory was the moment when I escaped; when my tiny five year old hand turned the final page in that dusty copy of Robinson Crusoe and triumphantly slammed the book shut. For six days I had fought through a maelstrom of words and ideas that my five years of life had left me woefully unequipped for, and I had survived. Those six days on the island changed me, and my educational life would never be the same.
Last edited by SonlenNightfall on Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:43 am, edited 2 times in total.

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lastsamurai
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Re: Interested in Feedback to 1st Paragraph PS

Postby lastsamurai » Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:12 am

Were you 5 or 6? Make sure it's believable and accurate...

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SonlenNightfall
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Re: Interested in Feedback to 1st Paragraph PS

Postby SonlenNightfall » Sat Sep 21, 2013 12:45 am

lastsamurai wrote:Were you 5 or 6? Make sure it's believable and accurate...


At the age of 5 and 6 it's kind of a blur (just in the same way that I am ball-parking the number of days it took based on my hazy memory, but later considered more carefully the number of days it most likely took), but at the time of writing this I chose to guess at age 5. Later, realizing that at the age of 5 I had health problems, it made more sense that this probably happened when I was 6.

If I were really trying to maliciously embellish I would have said I was two, the book was War and Peace, and that it took me a single day. :P




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