PS, first paragraph (quick read)

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
mwhuzain
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:27 am

PS, first paragraph (quick read)

Postby mwhuzain » Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:44 am

I’ve witnessed aspects of the law unfold before my eyes. My mom working as a paralegal, “friends” sent to jail, an ex girlfriend sent to prison for her role in the Bling Ring; and a best friend get shot in the face right in front of me, only for the shooter to get off on a complete and utter miscarriage of justice. As a testifying witness to the latter, I still blame myself for the not-guilty plea. It’s understandable, then, that I’ve grown to want to bring a little justice to this world. For example, in Davis I fought to have the single-use plastic grocery bag banned and last year in my Parisian university I worked to lift a restriction on foreign students participating in protests. I’ve also written letters to judges on behalf of incarcerated youth, pleading for leniency. And once I pass the State Bar exam years from now, I can truly expand on this, my passion of child advocacy.

NYstate
Posts: 1566
Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:44 am

Re: PS, first paragraph (quick read)

Postby NYstate » Sun Sep 15, 2013 8:00 am

No. A personal statement is supposed to be about you, not an essay on why you are interested in law or all your interactions with the legal system.Read some examples.

mwhuzain
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:27 am

Re: PS, first paragraph (quick read)

Postby mwhuzain » Sun Sep 15, 2013 1:10 pm

NYstate wrote:No. A personal statement is supposed to be about you, not an essay on why you are interested in law or all your interactions with the legal system.Read some examples.


I've posted some real untested stinkers the past week or so.
Maybe it's because the rest isn't included so it's not clear as to where it goes, but this ps got me into all of the schools that my numbers comanded last year, and even got me on the wait list for a couple reachers (who knows what would've happened if I didn't apply at the deadline).

From my understanding, a ps isn't suppost to make a T14 roll out the red carpet. If true, this paragraph and the other three attached to it served their intended purpose.

NYstate
Posts: 1566
Joined: Thu Jan 31, 2013 1:44 am

Re: PS, first paragraph (quick read)

Postby NYstate » Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:22 pm

I think you could do better than this, but if it worked for you, then go for it. You are right, it's a numbers game.

mwhuzain
Posts: 26
Joined: Tue Sep 10, 2013 8:27 am

Re: PS, first paragraph (quick read)

Postby mwhuzain » Sun Sep 15, 2013 2:49 pm

NYstate wrote:I think you could do better than this, but if it worked for you, then go for it. You are right, it's a numbers game.


I'm tweaking it now, took out the ex girlfriend part for starters. Thanks for the feedback.




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