Academic personal statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
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john1990
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Academic personal statement

Postby john1990 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 8:41 am

I have found that law is the best profession. I first formed this belief while reading The Republic by Plato. Plato believed that the structure of the law is the best indication of the prosperity of the society. Law gives order to society and all aspects of life from medicine to business. For this reason I consider the study and practice of law to be the most important field today. I decided to begin studying law because of the great impact it has on the world.
During my time as an undergraduate student I read a variety of legal texts such as the Webster’s Legal Dictionary and Business Law Today’s Comprehensive Seventh Edition in entirety. I found that legal writing interested me greatly and that I enjoyed reading legal texts. Legal texts are interesting to read and discuss because they are important, they are based on logic, and they are subject to differences in opinion which spark debate. After studying law I was confident that law was my most enjoyable study. Business law was the most exciting field since it built on my knowledge of business and accounting. Further, business law appeals to me because it has a big impact on the success of businesses and helps businesses grow.
I completed many Pre-Law classes during my time as an undergraduate at the University of Albany. My focus stayed on business law. I greatly enjoyed the lectures and was very active during classes. The classes were interesting because of the significance of the subject matter and how vocal the classroom was. I was happy to have the opportunity to speak regularly during these lectures with over one hundred other students. This experience built my charisma and confidence significantly. This is one of my fondest memories at my university.
I was also active at the Pre-Law Association at my University. Our association would meet in a large lecture center every week to discuss current legal cases and important local events. It was a foundation for a more hands on environment for discussing law and working in the community. Further, it provided a network of students and professionals in the legal field which was highly valuable.
I would like to continue my study and involvement in the legal field at Cardozo Law School. I intend to use my time at Cardozo Law School to build my knowledge of law and advance towards my goal of becoming a practicing attorney and working in the business world. I believe Cardozo Law School will give me the opportunity to begin working in the legal field and the resources I need to grow as a law student.

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rinkrat19
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby rinkrat19 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 9:28 am

viewtopic.php?f=18&t=216283
Do you really think you're going to get a different response posting this again? It's still so terrible that I'm still not convinced you're not trying to troll us.

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john1990
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby john1990 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:06 am

rinkrat19 wrote:http://www.top-law-schools.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=216283
Do you really think you're going to get a different response posting this again? It's still so terrible that I'm still not convinced you're not trying to troll us.

Its just on a topic you don't support. Comments like this destroy threads :!:

Pancakes12
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby Pancakes12 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:47 am

I think what she's saying is that you should expect the same feedback for the same PS. I also believe you're just trolling TLS lately, but on the very small chance you're not, I'll evaluate your PS. I agree with everything said in the other thread. This is just not a good topic and it is not well written. Your writing style is very repretitive without varied sentence structure. I could imagine a robot reading this.

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john1990
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby john1990 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:55 am

jlb251 wrote:I think what she's saying is that you should expect the same feedback for the same PS. I also believe you're just trolling TLS lately, but on the very small chance you're not, I'll evaluate your PS. I agree with everything said in the other thread. This is just not a good topic and it is not well written. Your writing style is very repretitive without varied sentence structure. I could imagine a robot reading this.


I understand that many disagree with the validity of the topic chosen, but i am not open to debate on that. However, writing style and sentence structure is very interesting to me. Thank you for reviewing

Pancakes12
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby Pancakes12 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 10:56 am

john1990 wrote:
jlb251 wrote:I think what she's saying is that you should expect the same feedback for the same PS. I also believe you're just trolling TLS lately, but on the very small chance you're not, I'll evaluate your PS. I agree with everything said in the other thread. This is just not a good topic and it is not well written. Your writing style is very repretitive without varied sentence structure. I could imagine a robot reading this.


I understand that many disagree with the validity of the topic chosen, but i am not open to debate on that. However, writing style and sentence structure is very interesting to me. Thank you for reviewing


You're welcome, but you should really consider a change of topic.

ZVBXRPL
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby ZVBXRPL » Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:13 am

WHERE ARE THE MODS?

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Ramius
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby Ramius » Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:35 am

Jumping in before you're likely banned for heavy trolling, but as others have said, this says nothing substantive about you as an applicant. I read this and was wholly unimpressed, regardless of the fact that you're responding to people's advice like a petulant six year old. You took classes in college, talked a lot in class and read books from cover to cover that no one was ever meant to read like that? How is that impressive? You want to know what I learned about you that makes me think you'd be a quality applicant and voice in my fictional law school's classroom? Absolutely nothing.

Also, proudly proclaiming in your introductory sentence that a profession you have no knowledge about is the "best profession" is profoundly stupid. How can you know a profession is better than others when you actually know nothing about the profession, much less any other profession. It's this type of statement that completely discredits pretty much everything you say thereafter, and you managed to do so in the first sentence. Congratulations on being the quickest applicant to get wrap-it-up music for your statement that didn't involve how you were convicted of some egregious crime.

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john1990
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby john1990 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 11:51 am

matthewsean85 wrote:Jumping in before I'm likely banned for heavy trolling, but as others have said, this says a lot about you as an applicant. I read this and was wholly impressed. You took the right classes in college, talked a lot in class and read entire law books from cover to cover. That is impressive. I learned a lot about you that makes me think you'd be a quality applicant and voice in my law school's classroom.

Proclaiming in your introductory sentence that law is the "best profession" is a great personal touch. It's this type of statement that completely builds into pretty much everything you say thereafter, and you managed to do so in the first sentence. Congratulations on your personal statement.


Thank you for your review

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TheSpanishMain
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby TheSpanishMain » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:21 pm

john1990 wrote:
matthewsean85 wrote:Jumping in before I'm likely banned for heavy trolling, but as others have said, this says a lot about you as an applicant. I read this and was wholly impressed. You took the right classes in college, talked a lot in class and read entire law books from cover to cover. That is impressive. I learned a lot about you that makes me think you'd be a quality applicant and voice in my law school's classroom.

Proclaiming in your introductory sentence that law is the "best profession" is a great personal touch. It's this type of statement that completely builds into pretty much everything you say thereafter, and you managed to do so in the first sentence. Congratulations on your personal statement.


Thank you for your review


Hahahahahahahaha. The best part of this is your trolling is infinitely better written than your PS. I mean, come on: "After studying law I was confident that law was my most enjoyable study."

Was this originally written in Lao and translated by a mildly retarded Cocker Spaniel? How is your command of English this poor?

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:26 pm

Play nice, now. It's not a good statement and it's not well written but that example is basically the only part that's grammatically weird so I don't think command of English is the issue.

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ScottRiqui
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby ScottRiqui » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:32 pm

A. Nony Mouse wrote:Play nice, now. It's not a good statement and it's not well written but that example is basically the only part that's grammatically weird so I don't think command of English is the issue.


No, it's his sanity that's the issue. Did you see the part where he quoted (and re-wrote) matthewsean's entire commentary?

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john1990
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby john1990 » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:36 pm

ScottRiqui wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:Play nice, now. It's not a good statement and it's not well written but that example is basically the only part that's grammatically weird so I don't think command of English is the issue.


No, it's his sanity that's the issue. Did you see the part where he quoted (and re-wrote) matthewsean's entire commentary?


Please stop trolling the personal statement. That commentary is insulting, flimsy, and outright trolling. As is yours

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A. Nony Mouse
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Re: Academic personal statement

Postby A. Nony Mouse » Wed Sep 11, 2013 1:41 pm

ScottRiqui wrote:
A. Nony Mouse wrote:Play nice, now. It's not a good statement and it's not well written but that example is basically the only part that's grammatically weird so I don't think command of English is the issue.


No, it's his sanity that's the issue. Did you see the part where he quoted (and re-wrote) matthewsean's entire commentary?

Sigh. Yeah, I totally missed that. My bad.

OP, stop trolling with this PS unless you're actually willing to listen to users' feedback, which you might note has been remarkably consistent. Criticisms aren't flimsy, trolling, or insulting if they're true.




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