Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
dwestm21
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:55 am

Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby dwestm21 » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:07 pm

This is a possible draft of my personal statement I am unsure if I am going in the right direction I would like some constructive criticism please be as harsh as needed.

It was a typical Monday morning, cranberry juice and donut in hand ear buds on listening to my favorite R&B station on Pandora. I was coming off of another relaxing weekend so I was kind of looking forward to my work week. As I arrived 15 minutes early for work I still could not help but think to myself “I hope the day goes by fast.” I took my time as I logged into the systems needed to track and log my calls and the databases that housed participant information. As my start time of 8:30 a.m. neared I dreaded to push “Auto In” button less than 3 minutes letter I was taking my first call of the day (the luxury of working in a call center the phone stop ringing) Thank you for calling the ##### this is Dominique speaking how may I help you. As the disgruntle participant blared through the phone I thought to myself “This cannot be my life.”

For as long as I can remember I have always been fascinated with the world around me and the laws that govern us. I remember in grade school my 7TH grade Social Studies teacher Mr. Muluski was the first person to spark my interest in government and law. The class read about the constitution and he discussed the importance of the Brown vs. Broad of Education (Kind of complex for a 7th grade Social Studies class right.) One lesson that has always reignited with me about his teaching style was that he wanted us to strive to be leaders, pillars and individuals who help make a difference in society. Every day in class he would begin the day with a daily quote Mahatma Gandi “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” Initially, I did not know what this quote meant or how profound it would shape my future later in life.

As I got adjust to college life at Chicago State University I quickly became active with the student organizations. I was elected to Student Government Association as a Senator and later appointed to be the Illinois Board of Higher Education student representative for Chicago State. These positions allow me to become a liaison between the student body and the administration of the university I voiced the concerns of the students and worked the administration for solutions. My biggest contribution during my undergraduate years came when my friends and I created our own student organization call The Classy Refined Education Women Club (The C.R.E.W. Club) our organization sought to uplift and empower the female student body. We were successful at putting together events like “Lets Talk “It’s a Girl Thing”” and the “Big Hat Tea Party” however I do not think we understood the magnetite of your organization and what our bigger purpose was. Collectively we decided it was time to branch out and work with other organization around the city The C.R.E.W. Club was privileged to get the opportunity to partner with ##### Family Center on the South Side of Chicago for their after school matters program we start a program called the “I am Beautiful Club” essentially to mentor young girls in the community we never knew that these young ladies would inspire us more than we could even imagine.


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

User avatar
t-14orbust
Posts: 2066
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:43 pm

Re: Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby t-14orbust » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:08 pm

edit: something mean was said, and I'm trying to be a nicer person

User avatar
rinkrat19
Posts: 13918
Joined: Sat Sep 25, 2010 5:35 am

Re: Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby rinkrat19 » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:11 pm

Very superficial topic that tells me nothing about you as a person but makes me think you are quite young, and a metric ton of grammatical errors.

User avatar
DrStudMuffin
Posts: 236
Joined: Sun Mar 03, 2013 7:54 pm

Re: Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby DrStudMuffin » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:15 pm

t-14orbust wrote:edit: something mean was said, and I'm trying to be a nicer person

dwestm21
Posts: 2
Joined: Tue Sep 03, 2013 10:55 am

Re: Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby dwestm21 » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:46 pm

Thank you back to the drawing board I will go. Do you all have any sugguestion as to what makes a great PS?

User avatar
t-14orbust
Posts: 2066
Joined: Tue Jul 31, 2012 4:43 pm

Re: Imcompelete Draft!!!!!!! Personal Statement

Postby t-14orbust » Tue Sep 03, 2013 2:48 pm

dwestm21 wrote:Thank you back to the drawing board I will go. Do you all have any sugguestion as to what makes a great PS?


http://www.top-law-schools.com/guide-to-personal-statements.html




Return to “Law School Personal Statements”

Who is online

The online users are hidden on this forum.