Advice needed, here's another draft.

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Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Advice needed, here's another draft.

Postby Anonymous User » Sun Sep 01, 2013 6:56 pm

Last edited by Anonymous User on Mon Sep 02, 2013 4:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Posts: 11
Joined: Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:13 am

Re: Advice needed, here's another draft.

Postby risanian » Sun Sep 01, 2013 8:59 pm

I love it, this PS has great potential. Im sorry to hear about our brother, I'm sure he'd be very proud of you. The beginning of this PS is truly amazing, you've done great great job grabbing the readers attention, however the second portion need a bit more work. You set the bar rather high with an introduction like yours. Unfortunately, you lose the flare as this PS progresses, perhaps you should dig deeper into your experiences instead of just listing a bunch of stuff you've done. Talk about another story of equal proportions that guided you on your journey to applying for law school or the like. Good Luck and I'm looking forward to reading further editions.

Also you should try to post this on Ill Read Yours. Its free and you can get other users to privately review it on there as well. Good Luck.

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