First Draft PS: thanks for any feedback!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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First Draft PS: thanks for any feedback!

Postby Anonymous User » Tue Aug 20, 2013 5:39 pm

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Last edited by Anonymous User on Tue Aug 27, 2013 4:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Anonymous User
Posts: 273601
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: First Draft PS: thanks for any feedback!

Postby Anonymous User » Wed Aug 21, 2013 6:34 pm

anything? I am very new to this and trying to gauge if I'm heading in the right direction here

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Magical Trevor
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Joined: Tue Mar 12, 2013 11:10 pm

Re: First Draft PS: thanks for any feedback!

Postby Magical Trevor » Thu Aug 22, 2013 2:48 am

It isn't focused which gives me the impression that you are unfocused. You talk about the book and mention that the story appealed you because you used to be a caddie but really it resonated because it reminded you that you were in the wrong major. Then you talk about a poli-sci or history major and reveal that you shifted to finance because of job market pressure, and later shifted again to a focus on economics because of intellectual pressure. Next you mention appreciating the overarching concepts of economics and finish by talking about the more immediate and practical impact of law. After, you talk about the job market which contradicts your reasoning for choosing finance as a major previously. Finally, you mention the variety of outcomes that you might consider successful after law school and compare those outcomes to choosing to be a caddie.

It feels like you can't think of anything else to do so you've just decided to give law school a shot.

Edit: I'm not implying that you can't showcase changing viewpoints but the end should leave the reader feeling like you have a more concrete position by the end of the PS.

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Ramius
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Re: First Draft PS: thanks for any feedback!

Postby Ramius » Thu Aug 22, 2013 6:35 am

This unfortunately was not a great attempt at a PS. I came away from this thinking, "this KID has no experience in the world." That's not uncommon among K-JD types, but still you should make an attempt to reach into your own personal history to find either:
1) Something that drove you to the study of law (beyond just meandering through academia and deciding "why the hell not?")

2) Something that caused you to really evolve and change as a person and how that has helped you see the world the way you do today (this is kind of what you're doing, but using a book you read and want to carry around for all time but fail to really mention it beyond the opening and closing paragraph is a fairly feeble attempt)

3) Something that caused you to work harder, longer, smarter, etc. to accomplish a goal you weren't sure you would be able to accomplish and how that experience affected you beyond making you proud and/or exhausted. The trial by fire method is lesser used, but can be very effective as a PS.

Notice each one of these approaches centers on the word SOMETHING. That means you need to find something tangible that your PS can center around to act as a driving force and effective literal device. It can be a project, a major life event, a personal lesson learned or some other watershed moment. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking and it doesn't have to be particularly newsworthy, but it has to have significance for you. Keep in mind what you're trying to do with your PS: sell yourself. You want the adcom to see you in a 3D light that goes beyond your GPA and LSAT. Sure, those will almost always win out in the end, but why not give them another insight into who you are as a person and make them say to themselves, "I would love to have his voice in a classroom."

I've said this quite often around here, but it's time for you to dig deeper. Deeper into your history and your experiences. Find something about yourself or what you've done that has made you the quality applicant you see yourself as and write something that will convince the adcom of that fact. This is a game of sales. Get selling.

GL OP!




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