Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

(Personal Statement Examples, Advice, Critique, . . . )
Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:04 am

Deleted since I am on to a new topic!
Last edited by Anonymous User on Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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jselson
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Joined: Sat Jan 05, 2013 3:51 am

Re: Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby jselson » Thu Aug 15, 2013 12:33 am

This is a step back from the first draft. At least that one had a narrative conflict, however glib. This one's just "I progressively got better at bowling. Also, the bowling alley was really cold."

I 100% stand behind my original comment that you shouldn't write about this topic, and that you should focus on something more recent.
Last edited by jselson on Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Magical Trevor
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Re: Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby Magical Trevor » Thu Aug 15, 2013 3:21 am

Jselson pretty much nailed it.

My best guess as to why you want to attend law school, after reading your statement, is that you feel like the bowling ball was too violent and you want justice for pins everywhere.

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Ramius
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Re: Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby Ramius » Thu Aug 15, 2013 6:52 am

It is absolutely time to pick a new topic. This one just doesn't work and I don't see how you could turn it into a passable PS. Sorry, OP.

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lastsamurai
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Joined: Tue Jun 25, 2013 11:17 am

Re: Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby lastsamurai » Thu Aug 15, 2013 10:08 am

Agreed, unfortunately. I wanted to like it, but there just wasn't any drama

Anonymous User
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Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2009 9:32 am

Re: Rough First Draft Critiques Please!

Postby Anonymous User » Thu Aug 15, 2013 7:42 pm

Thanks guys it was very helpful! I am onto a new topic I think I just needed to write something and this is what came out!




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